Gut Rumbles

February 15, 2005

real men do cry

I read this post and started to fire off a really vitriolic A-Man comment. But I refrained. I DO NOT believe that Gennie should find it "hilarious" that her big, tough, macho-man cop husband cried over a movie. The fact that she DID disturbed me.

Just what the hell do you wimmen want? I'll admit: I can be a sumbitch, I've had a lot of physical fights, I've fired people, and I've been stone-faced and stoic when my feelings were running amok because that's what I knew I had to do at the time. I've always tried to act like a man.

But I am an emotional person. I don't believe that my tendency to mist-up or even bawl like a baby in certain situations makes me any less manly than someone who NEVER does that. I suffer from the curse of empathy, and I often find myself REALLY feeling other people's pain because I know how I would feel in their shoes.

I cried when both of my children were born. I didn't do it in front of anybody--- I waited until I could get off by myself--- but the combination of stress-relief, joy, thankfulness that both kids were born okay and the realization of the responsibility I had accepted required an outlet.

So, I CRIED, long and hard, complete with a red-face and snot running from my nose. I did that again when I helped bury my father, but I waited until I was alone to do it. Any woman who laughs about that doesn't understand a man. It ain't funny to the guy at the time. And we are taught NOT to do it.

Yeah, I cried when Ole Yeller died, too. I cried at the end of The Yearling. I cried when John Lennon was killed because I knew the Beatles could never play together again.

I stood before that bastard judge in divorce court at 9:30 one morning with my face screwed on tight when he lowered the boom on me and let my ex-wife walk away with everything I ever cared about, with a new lover in tow. I made it out of the parking lot of the courthouse to the first place I could find to get off the road and THAT'S where I sat and cried, for a good 15 minutes of weeping, gut-wrenching, terrible sobs.

Then, I cleaned myself up and went back to work before 1:00 that afternoon, and I didn't cry anymore that day. But I did again, many times later, and I still do it today when I look at pictures of Quinton.

So, what is it you wimmen want? A man who never cries? A man who HIDES his emotions from YOU for fear of ridicule? A man who is so "strong" that he doesn't feel pain and anguish, or if he does, he keeps that shit to himself?

Just WTF do you want?


Acid - Chrissakes, she's got a "Weight Ticker" listing "2 down and 63 to go" at the top of her webpage.

... and skins.

Look for insightful commentary somewhere else.

Posted by: brian on February 15, 2005 04:29 PM

I've known a lot of manly cop types in my life thanks to my job, and I've seen more than one of them cry. I never found a man who cried to be less of a man, in fact, I seriously wonder about the sanity of some folks who don't cry...ever....particularly when exposed to some of the stuff these guys and gals see on a daily basis.

For all this bitch knows, seeing this movie triggered a memory in her husband of something that his mind could barely cope with in the real world. I've seen things like that happen for reals, like the time a guy offed himself in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas eve, splattering the tree, decorations, and presents with his gray matter.

Two friends of mine didn't get home until around 6 a.m. Christmas morning because they spent hours cleaning up the mess so the guy's kids wouldn't have to get up and see their daddy's remains all over the place.

Tell me what sane human being can cope with a situation like that without shedding a tear or two? God now I see why some men are so bitter about women...(and conversely, thanks to my own experiences, I see why some women are so bitter about men).


Posted by: catzmeow on February 15, 2005 04:43 PM

I have more respect for a man who will honestly express his emotions than I do for someone who hides them. I believe it's an expression of strength of character to show those emotions. I've held my husband while he cried when things happened that he needed that relief, he's done the same for me. It takes a strong man to be open and honest with how he's feeling, hiding it and "toughing it out" aren't really strength.

Posted by: Aquila on February 15, 2005 04:58 PM

Don't despair, A-Man. Freud didn't know either!

Posted by: Indigo on February 15, 2005 05:08 PM

A-Man? Hello? Women are not all alike. Please quit dumping us all in the same shit pile.

I'm with you. That Gennie woman doesn't deserve the good man she's got. And certainly you deserved a hell of a lot better than Jennifer. Of course, I wouldn't ever want to call either one of them friend, either.

What do women want? Hell if I know, because every one will answer you differently.

What do I want, on the other hand? A good man with a good heart. One who respects me as a woman and treats me like a lady. One who treats me well every single day, instead of saving it up for birthdays, Valentine's Day, anniversaries and Christmas. And someone who I want to do just the same for. Someone who is absolutely human and fallible -- because I certainly am, too. One who's happy to go with me and my godchild to see Finding Nemo on Ice -- as much because he loved the movie as because he loves me. A man who is willing to have long, interesting discussions when we don't agree -- rather than shouting, clamming up or walking out on the disagreement. One who knows when to compromise, when to agree to disagree, and when to stand his ground. A GOOD man.

Posted by: Omnibus Driver on February 15, 2005 05:38 PM

"The young man who will not cry is a barbarian... The old man who will not laugh is a fool..."
"He is Conan, a Cimmerian... He will not cry, so I cry for him..."

Posted by: Sgt. B. on February 15, 2005 05:42 PM

Now correct crying is either on command or whenever else you are "supposed" to. In other words at the whim of the cry-masters.

One of my daughters works at a Public Health Clinic where the adminstrators felt constrained to decide when it was "appropriate" to cry.

Thus the policy was set that one should cry only when "It is not personal," as in when you are faking sympathy with the patients.

But when do real people cry when it is not personal? Therefore no one tells me when and where to cry, unless I am going to be fined or lose my Government job.

Naturally the policy was pecipitated by an incident in which a nurse "looked uncomfortable" in a staff meeting. She was taken into quarters and dressed down, which made her cry since she was being bullied and did not know what they were talking about, thus forming the policy that this crying too was wrong, along with "looking uncomfortable" in meetings.

Then you say you want National Health Care?

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on February 15, 2005 05:43 PM

What is truly telling is that she posted that knowing well and good it would be against her husband's wishes.


Posted by: rightisright on February 15, 2005 05:48 PM

Whoa, now, wait a minute. I read the post you linked, and it did not look at ALL like Gennie was laughing at her man for crying - more like she was in shock and awe because this behavior was unusual for her big, tough, burly husband. She admitted that she cried, too, and went, in her words, "to console her husband" in his tears. Doesn't sound like "making fun of him" to me...

I didn't read Rob's post as an attack on Gennie, either, rather that her post raised a question in his mind...Now y'all got to jump on the "bash Gennie" bandwagon? Dissing her weight, even? How do y'all know she didn't just have a baby or something? You people don't even know this woman and you're ready to call her all kinds of names. That's just silly.

My husband cries at the drop of a hat. Way more emotional than me, btw. I'm a hardened, steely-eyed old battleaxe. Him? Softie. Hey - it works for us.

Posted by: Queenie on February 15, 2005 05:59 PM

Don't worry; this just means you're gay.

Posted by: Steve H. on February 15, 2005 06:06 PM

Well, to steer this momentarily on to another tack, the movie that wrenched me as a child, and still does, was "The Red Pony." When that little boy finds his beloved pony down, with buzzards on him, and he goes into complete primal with grief, I just lose it.

And another one, "Lonely are the Brave" with Kirk Douglas, just absolutely breaks my heart. Anyone, man or woman, who cannot grieve for that man at the end of the film, for both his life and his losses, is a heartless bastard.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on February 15, 2005 07:52 PM

Personally, I am afraid of a man who never cries.

Posted by: Renee on February 15, 2005 09:08 PM

Wow, I really appreciate the personal attacks I'm getting for my light-hearted post. I can't believe the things I'm being called. And I can't believe someone is attacking me for my weight. I really don't know what to say right now. I would expect this ANYWHERE else, but not here.

I wasn't making fun of my husband for crying. I was showing that he does have a soft side. I didn't know I'd get flamed by some loser motherfuckers in the process. You can all just to to hell. You don't know me enough to critcize me. It's one post.

Posted by: Gennie on February 15, 2005 09:12 PM

Maybe you all should leave Gennie alone, I doubt many of you are perfect. So what if she has a weight thing on her site, at least she's doing something about it. I'm sure not all of you have big muscles and two-four percent body fat. So shut up about that.

Plus how dare you Brian, attack Gennie, on her skins. Most of the big bloggers have skins or more commonly known as "templates" ... Mudville Gazette has a template, are you going not going to read them anymore? Michelle Malkin has a template. So what if Gennie's templates or skins aren't going to your tastes. It's her site, she can do whatever she wants. Her skins are better than most shit online these days.

Gennie has not done one f'in thing against any of you, she has every right to be mad at all of you (other than Queenie) because you are are overgrown immature a-holes.

Posted by: Jen on February 15, 2005 09:52 PM

"...overgrown immature a-holes" HEY, I resemble that remark.

Posted by: rightisright on February 15, 2005 10:51 PM

What do women want? After years of study, I've finally discovered that women don't know what they want.

But the do know that -- whatever it is -- they want it now and they want the man in their life to provide it for them

Posted by: Fido's Ass on February 15, 2005 11:54 PM

Well, Gennie can take some small comfort in the fact that when all else fails, they will play the FAT CHICK card. This usually means they've run right out of steam, there's nothing of merit to attack, so why don't we, mature beings that we are, attack weight.

As if the world isn't chock full of skinny assholes. Yeesh.

READ (if you even know how) Gennie's post again. And READ Rob's post again. You'll see that these comments for the most part are, IMHO, much ado about nothing.

So what if she or tens of thousands of other bloggers (myself included) has "skins" on their site? So what if they aren't (myself included) Kate Moss thin? Anyone is free to do what he or she wishes on his or her own site. And ... this is the really important part, so pay attention ... if you don't like it, for the love of all that is good and holy, don't read it.

Now, was that so hard?

Posted by: Joni on February 16, 2005 03:44 AM

I have to say that if my normally stoic husband retreated to the bathroom to sob for whatever reason, I don't think my first impulse would be to run and blog about it, but rather to offer comfort if that's what he wanted, or privacy if that's what he preferred. In my wildest imaginings, I don't think a public posting on said situation was tops on the list.

There is such a thing as emotional safety and a certain expectation of privacy, something one should be able to count on from certain people in one's life, and I don't think crowing to the world about something like this was all that kind or thoughtful.

Posted by: Lark on February 16, 2005 05:59 PM

Good subject, Im a beer drinkin football loving macho guy and though this might shock a lot of people I cry at times.
Like meeting relatives after 15 years, your brothers engagement party or even listening to some music is very moving.
Strength of character DEFINATELY.
Mind you alcohol was involved but I think that just makes some guys less defensive.
To quote the band Audioslave : To BE YOURSELF IS ALL THAT YOU CAN DO

Posted by: honestmachoguy on May 23, 2005 09:21 AM

A man who crys is a real man, he is not afriad to show his emotion or conform to the 'standard' idea of a 'tough' man. Guys always show your feelings, thats what makes you human.

Posted by: tom on December 17, 2005 03:06 PM
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