Gut Rumbles

January 12, 2005

popular myths

Despite what you see in movies, I have some news for you:

*Not all Asians are martial arts experts. Many of them run 7-11 stores where I live.

*Not all Native Americans are deeply spiritual and fully in tune with Mother Earth. Some get drunk as often as possible and pass out in a ditch.

*Not all black people are "street-wise" (whatever the hell THAT means). Some of them are just like... well, WHITE PEOPLE, except they have darker skin.

*A guy with a 9mm handgun is NOT going to win a shootout against six guys with machine guns, no matter how many acrobatic backflips and dives he does. He's gonna look like Swiss cheese in real life.

*All hookers DO NOT look like Julia Roberts, Melanie Griffith or Rebecca DeMornay. Some of them are real scuzz-buckets.

*"Cute" kids do NOT have smart mouths and constantly sass adults with impudent insults. In real life, those kids lose their teeth early.

*People in the military are NOT evil, villianous, bloodthirsty, heartless killers, determined to destroy America as we know it. Some of them are your neighbors.

*If Pauly Shore is a comedian, I'm a gynecologist. That guy is about as hilarious as an impacted wisdom tooth. The only person I can think of with less talent is Larry King.

That's what I get when I watch television.


Rob, the only reason Pauly has any play is because his MOTHER owns the Comedy Club in Los Angeles.....

Posted by: Heather on January 12, 2005 04:18 PM

Pauly Shore - a no-talent, good-for-nothing, dickwad. Kinda like me, although I expect he makes a LOT more money.

Posted by: iowa dude on January 12, 2005 05:03 PM

As if to prove just how twisted I really am, I actually like the asshole.


I love Bio-Dome. Him and that Baldwin brother are good together.
I also like Son-in-law, but Dennis Burkley is in that one too, so it may just be because of him, I dunno.

Nah. It's Pauly, too.

So, shoot me. (Just make it a clean shot, please...) I actually have two of the goofball's movies on tape and I do like 'em.

But, even Cher, the chick in Clueless, says that something, I forget what, makes about as much sense as looking for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie, so... maybe it's just me.

Hugs on ya's....

Posted by: Stevie on January 12, 2005 06:56 PM

The handgun one is open to interpretation. All things being equal, yes. However, a flock of gang-bangers with Mac-10's, holding the damn things sideways and spraying and praying, versus, say, a Marine with an M9... well, I know who I'd put my money on.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on January 12, 2005 11:40 PM

*All hookers DO NOT look like Julia Roberts, Melanie Griffith or Rebecca DeMornay.

Yeah, some of them actually look good.

Posted by: Werbinox on January 13, 2005 01:49 AM

Yeah, some of them actually look good.

<wicked snicker>

Posted by: McGehee on January 13, 2005 10:09 AM

Not only are they your neighbors... they have basements like mine!

Posted by: John of Argghhh! on January 16, 2005 07:06 PM
Post a comment

*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.