October 05, 2004

dogs and cats

I'm gonna confess another deep, dark secret here. I once had a cat that I really liked. Her name was "Girly-Bird" and I believe that she thought she was a dog, as much as a cat can. She stayed outside a lot, and when I came home from work, she would spring out of the bushes and roll around on the driveway, throwing a show and waiting to be petted.

The damned critter would purr and carry on until she was tired of being petted, then the bitch would bow up and hiss at me. Ungrateful shit. I dunno why, but I kinda LIKED that attitude.

I've had dogs that would come when I called, sit when I told them to, STAY when I told them not to move and pretty much do whatever I wanted. Try that shit with a cat. If they had a middle finger, they'd shoot you a bird. A got-dam cat thinks it owns YOU instead of the other way around.

Girly liked to come inside at night. She had a nice cat-bed and plenty of food, but do you think she wanted any of THAT? Hell, no. She liked to sneak into the bedroom and sit on my chest when I was asleep. I woke up many a time with that fucking cat trying to steal my breath.

I would throw her against the wall and cuss her ass out. I could wait 30 seconds and feel her hop back onto the bed. That bitch was gonna sit there and wait for me to go back to sleep, after which she was gonna creep up onto my chest and try to steal my breath again. I never could dissuade her from that obnoxious habit, no matter how many times I threw her against the wall.

I should have noticed something about Jennifer when Girly died. Jennifer went to the grocery store and I was watching TV. I heard the doorbell ring and when I answered it, I saw two little girls outside. One of them said, "Mister, I think your cat is dying in the street." Sure enough, it was Girly, with a broken back and blood coming out of both ends.

I got a towel and laid her on it and carried her home. I never got a chance to take her to the vet because she died right there in the driveway. I remember cussing her at the time. "God-DAMN you, Girly, don't do this to me!" I thought she was smarter than to get hit by a car that way.

I later discovered almost 100 yards of blood-trail from where she got hit to where she dragged herself back home, broken back and all. I buried her in the back yard and I cried when I did it.

Jennifer came home and I told her that Girly was dead. She never batted an eye. That's the way Jennifer is. She was the same way when her father died. Here today, gone tomorrow. Who cares?

I pity the next victim she latches onto. I'd rather have a cat. At least cats have SOME loyalty.

Girly came home to die.

Comments

It wouldn't surprise me if Jennifer was the one that ran her over.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on October 5, 2004 10:28 AM

I'm with you Ralph.

Poor Girly. Dangit A-man, you're getting me all teary eyed this early in the day.

Cats don't give much of a crap, they are pretty loyal when it comes right down toit.

Posted by: Amesk on October 5, 2004 10:40 AM

I had the same got-damned thought, Ralph.
I'll just BET she did, too.
Bitch.

Posted by: Stevie on October 5, 2004 10:56 AM

The real shame is that the majority of women fall into the Jennifer mold. I am sure I will be attacked by every women in blogdom for that statement. But the majority of women do not blog , the majority of women just seem to be happy to make some poor man miserable. The women blogs that I choose to read on line do not fit the majority mold. The majority of women thought Clinton was sexy, the majority of women will vote for Kerry. I am afraid the majority of women along with the majority of men in this country should work for Mcdonalds.

Posted by: James Old Guy on October 5, 2004 11:11 AM

oh lord james old guy,,,you are so off base it isn't even funny! grrrrrr, getting my hackles up. I didn't like clinton, i'm not going to vote for kerry and i damn sure don't work at mcdonalds! but it's okay for you to think that way, since you are an old guy. *s*

Posted by: Michele on October 5, 2004 11:33 AM

Hiya, James... I, for one, am not gonna "attack" you or even disagree with you.
First off, you're absolutely right. Those who DO jump yer shit know you're right, too, but my LORD, do people hate hearing the truth.
Second, I honestly don't have any problem with what you said because I endeavor every day of my LIFE to be the exact opposite of those evil bitches, so I know ya don't mean me. (Besides, I am one of the minority of chicks who blog... *smile*)

My hand to Gawd, that is about the only good thing I've been able to come up with for the existance of those cunts... yes, CUNTS.
They're like poster-assholes of "what NOT to do".
Besides, they make even inert, lazy women who just sit there, look good by comparison, let alone those of us who truly hate them and what they do, thus inspiring us (is there another female who "gets" this, by the way?) to be even sweeter, nicer and more loving to the man in her life.

Jennifer and Eric's ex-BC have given me more strength, inspiration and imaginitive ways to show Eric what love is about than I coulda ever come up with on my own.
It's easy to do, too.
All ya hafta do is ask yerself, "What would cunts do?", then do the exact opposite.
It's simple and it works.
Kinda like "honesty" and "truth", two more concepts that elude stupid, evil bitches.

And yes, before aaaanyone else points it out, I sure as hell am a misogynistic female. Any female with even half a brain would be, as embarrassing and contemptable as most women are and for no reason except they can be... Gawd. *shudder*

Posted by: Stevie on October 5, 2004 11:39 AM

And, Michele, I didn't even see your comment before mine posted (I was still typing when you were posting) so in no way was I referring to you or what you said.

Just wanted to be clear on that... (especially after saying that I basically hate women.)

Posted by: Stevie on October 5, 2004 11:43 AM

Oh, and as for Clinton... I didn't give a damn what he did. Matter of fact, one good look at that piece of shit he's married to and I even UNDERSTOOD it. (Not that Monica was so much better, but at least she doesn't come across as an emasulating c-word as does Bill's bitch.)

Posted by: Stevie on October 5, 2004 11:46 AM

It's okay stevie, no offense taken; i figured we were both typing about the same time.

Posted by: Michele on October 5, 2004 12:35 PM

I am certainly not the majority of women. not even close.

Posted by: girl on October 5, 2004 12:40 PM

Ditto....I don't give a rat's butt about Clinton, no way am I voting for Kerry (especially after last weeks broadcast - he's an idiot) and I live to make my hubby happy. :-)

I choose not to have too many women friends as there are very few that don't fall into the "bitch" category - I don't have the time nor energy to deal with the crap, so I don't....

Life is too short for the drama....

Jen will get her payback - you may never see it but she will. They always do.

Posted by: Wicked Wanda on October 5, 2004 02:36 PM

Well, in one way, she already is.
She's stuck being her every day, all day long, which would drive me to kill myself after about a half hour...

Posted by: Stevie on October 5, 2004 03:09 PM

Very true! :-)

You couldn't pay me enough...

Posted by: Wicked Wanda on October 5, 2004 04:50 PM

I'm stunned.

Acidman had a CAT??

You just blew every bit of respect I had for you out of the water!

Kidding. I had one cat that stole my heart before I knew better. My godparents gave me a siamese kitten when I was born. He slept with me pretty much every night of my life and I still have to sleep with a pillow under my chin where he used to be. He lived to be 23 and I had to put him down after my first son was born. Damned cat just wouldn't die on his own. He's been gone for 10 years now and some nights when I'm almost asleep (but not quite), I hear him purring. I'll never own another cat, but I miss that one.

Posted by: Chablis on October 5, 2004 09:11 PM

You, sir, are a diamond in the rough. If an animal loves you, you love it back........

Posted by: suzeisnotfooledbyislam on October 5, 2004 11:01 PM

Cats are great! People - now that's another matter. From my life observations tho, being an anal aperture is not a gender-specific syndrome. For every story like Acidman's or James Old Guy, there is a corresponding tale that could be told by a woman done wrong by a man. Humanity is flawed. Face it fairly.

Posted by: Indigo on October 6, 2004 12:14 AM

what as magnificant story about the kity. fully emphathise. got all misty eyed too. :o

Posted by: fiona on October 6, 2004 12:32 AM

Damn Rob. You DO have a heart!

That'd be devastating for me. I found one of my cats dead by the side of the road years ago. By the marks in the snow, it was clear that some asshole deliberately went after him to kill him.

I now have a cat who can't stay indoors (doesn't get along with the rest), and I worry about him all the time crossing the street at the wrong moment. It's not a matter of smarts--their heads just aren't wired up to judge the speed and distance of traffic correctly to always be able to avoid it. Fluttering birds they are spot on, but vehicles confuse them.

Cats have a reputation of being detached, but they are really tremendously loyal once they find someone they can trust.

Posted by: Desert Cat on October 7, 2004 02:27 AM

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October 05, 2004

dogs and cats