Gut Rumbles

August 20, 2004

it's hard-wired

Wimmen have something built into them that men don't. It's that urge to feed their kids. I don't care whether they're sick or not, skinny or fat, or already stuffed to the gills with chicken and dumplings, shuck beans and cornbread. MAMAS WANT YOU TO EAT!!!

My grandmother is 93 years old and I STILL cannot go to her house without eating something. It might be a cookie, a cracker or a piece of belly-button lint picked up off the floor, but if I don't eat SOMETHING, I hurt her feelings. You don't want to do that to your grandmother. I eat when I go there.

My mama is the same way. Whether I'm hungry or not, she wants to FEED ME! No, I take that back. She wants me TO EAT!!! She'll drag everything she has in the refrigerator out and put it on the kitchen table at one time. I guess she figures that I'll find something in that mix that I like and I'll EAT IT.

Don't EVER tell your mama that you're not hungry. She'll worry about you and think that you're gonna die of malnutrition. Then, she'll double her efforts to get you to EAT.

Wimmen do that. Men don't. My father would throw down a bowl of chicken a la king and tell me to eat it or go to bed. "Daddy, I don't like that stuff," I often whined. "Then you ain't really hungry," he replied.

Men don't have breasts. I think that's the difference.


Actually, men do have breasts, one per person, and do have teats, two per person. What we don't have is that particular collection of neuro-humors from gonads, pituitary, pineal etc etc that makes late-pregnant and lactating women behave differently from anyone else and from themselves at other times. Reminded of something I just saw on the Web, sorry, can't remember where, about some new science on uncharacteristic aggression and badass courage in perinatal women.

Posted by: Justthisguy on August 20, 2004 02:26 PM

A lot of it is a southern thing too I think. People up here just aren't like that. Most of them anyway.

Posted by: Ronda on August 20, 2004 03:10 PM

Related, sort of: my great-aunt thinks I'm about to die of consumption everytime I sneeze.

Must be an alive-during-the-Great-Depression thing.

Posted by: Juliette on August 20, 2004 04:19 PM

Sorry, Ma'am, I beg to differ. I believe that it is mostly a female thing. I speak as one who came *that* close to being killed by a woman driving up to visit my next-door neighbor. I was minding my own business, but had to look alive and jump salty, to avoid being squashed by that heavily gravid person in her mini-van. She thought it was all my fault, of course.

I mind Lucy, my female cat I had for a while back in the 70s. I could tell when she was pregnant by her acting all mean, and serious, and predatory. I remember her waking me by jumping onto my chest and dropping a still warm and twitching squirrel there. I'd tell her, "Good kitty, nice squirrel, now go eat it and let me sleep!" A few minutes later, she'd be back, waking me by jumping upon me, and would drop a warm bloody squirrel liver on my chest. "Pregnant again, are we, Lucy?" I did end up with an amazing collection of tree-rat tails in the corner of the bedroom. Wonder why they never eat the tails.

Posted by: Justthisguy on August 20, 2004 04:47 PM

Um, I think I may have inadvertently attempted to promulgate a misunderstanding, above, there. Domestic cats are pretty much solitary animals when they're grown up, and mostly aint very social, except maybe with humans. I think that's because we humans are able to key into the one social relationship they do have, the one between mother and kittens. When you think about it, when yer kitty is being nice to you, it's thinking of you as its Mamma, or she's thinking of you as her kitten.

Then there are Tom-cats. My favorites, and always the friendliest to humans. They do run up huge vet bills, and tend to die under the wheels of the humans' cars while chasing pussy. Still, I do miss them, and wish we were still allowed to have them. What the regulators have done to them should be an early warning to us human males. They'll be cuttin' the balls off of the humans, next.

Posted by: Justthisguy on August 20, 2004 05:42 PM
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