Gut Rumbles

July 13, 2004

one more

How long do house spiders live? I've had this same brown spider behind the commode in the Master Bathroom since I moved into the Crackerbox almost three years ago. It's weaved webs all the way up to the ceiling now. It ran a stringer clear over to the towel rack about a year ago and I broke that one. "Bad spider," I told it. "You can have all of this house you want behind the commode, but stay out of my towel rack."

I believe that the damned thing knew what I said. It never again tried a horizontal attack on my bathroom. It went vertical. It went REALLY vertical.

That's a healthy, web-spinning spider and it's welcome to stay right where it is. I like looking at the artistry of the web, and it catches and eats mosquitoes, too. I like my spider. I don't have to feed it, it doesn't shit on the floor and it never whines at night.

How long does a brown house spider live?


Rob -

My long departed grandparents had a dozen pear trees out back between their house and the barn where my granddaddy had moved around the outhouse for about 75 years (maybe more)... just another example of the crafty Scot row crop farmer capturing as much of farm life as he could. Waste not the waste... that was my grandfather's idea of a joke. He never liked doing his business in the house although he put indoor plumbing in to satisfy my grandmother. Anyhow... every summer the bannana spiders would spring up and weave fantastic webs from tree to tree.

The spiders themselves were wonderful. Some of them got as big as my hand, bright yellow and red and green creatures who could leap from pear tree to pear tree and scare the girls. Me too, occasionally.

One fall I noticed that one of the bigger examples was making a little cubby for himself near one of the calf pens that was both in the full sun and backed up against the hay barn: a spider survival strategy! A way to hide from the frost.

That spider lived through an admittedly mild winter and emerged the next spring twice the size of a man's hand and a banana spider to be reckoned with. My grandmother said that they would bite and that I shouldn't get near the pear trees, but I dearly loved to get at those crunchy sweeties.

I saw that spinder catch a small bird in his web one afternoon, wrapping the bird up round and round and round. Amazing. Fighting the thing like he meant business.

The spider outgrew his hidey hole by the end of that summer and was left to face the first frost alone. He didn't survive the wet fall that brought winter in the next October.

Damned the things that you'll remember. Where did that come from? I still have the old house. I've always been afraid that my grandparents might come up out of the ground if I ever actually pretended to sell the old place.

The pear trees are still there but they haven't been pruned in so long that there isn't much fruit. Maybe I'll go prune the things this fall and see if I can bring them back. There's proof that I'm getting too old to boogie. I miss the spiders too.


Posted by: Bob Baird on July 13, 2004 10:47 PM

That's a good question Acidman,

I've had a lil' brown spider in my wing mirror for near a year now...

I think it has to be the most travelled spider in history!

I don't mind 'em at all, they eat 'squitos and flies, that's all good in my book.

I'm gonna look up 'spider life time' on google now...

Posted by: Robert on July 13, 2004 10:53 PM

If it's livin' behind MY shitcan, only as long as it takes for the insect spray to zap it!

Posted by: Bushy on July 13, 2004 11:42 PM

When it crawls into your mouth and you eat it while you sleep, that'l be the greatest test of your relationship.

Posted by: DaveJ on July 14, 2004 04:14 AM

I don't mind spiders either. They're eating SOMETHING to survive. I'd rather deal with spiders than whatever it is they're eating for lunch.

Posted by: ErikZ on July 14, 2004 05:43 AM

It'll live until it crawls across your foot while you're takin' a crap... ;)

Posted by: Kv on July 14, 2004 06:16 AM

A quick search pulled up this...
spiders i don't mind. There are plenty of bugs here in Israel, and other wiley creatures that i do mind.

Posted by: Rachel Ann on July 14, 2004 08:14 AM

As long as it isn't a camel spider... those are the stuff of nightmares.

Posted by: Ogre on July 14, 2004 02:04 PM

Maybe it'll pull a Charlotte's Web and have a bunch of babies.

Hell, make some profit; sell them on ebay as "commode spiders; guaranteed to keep your bathroom insect free!" I know I always hate it when I'm on the throne and some asshat mosquito is after me.

Posted by: Cythen on July 14, 2004 03:55 PM

As long as it isn't a camel spider... those are the stuff of nightmares.
Non-poisonous, and not really spiders. but they ARE the stuff of nightmares.

The "wolf" spiders that are all over the place in CT. average 4 or 5 YEARS, or they have sentimental offspring.

Posted by: Yogimus on July 14, 2004 05:21 PM

Spiders. Gaaaahhh.

Posted by: RoguePlanet on July 14, 2004 07:17 PM

I've had spiders live in my car for a really long time. I'm afraid to kill them, because I figure if there's anything in there for them to live off of, I'd be infested with them without the spider.

Posted by: Dave Munger on July 14, 2004 10:38 PM

Our house is infested with spiders. We've only lived here since Thanksgiving, but there's a little red spider living inside the [non-funtional] built-in wall heater in the bathroom. I try to suck him out with the vacuum attachments, but he's a crafty, strong little guy. I have no idea how he survives, but he must be the most macho little spider I've ever come across. I imagine he'll be alive long after we've moved!

I'm constantly being bitten all over my body in bed because I sleep in the buff. The most recent was a series of three bites on my rear with visible fang marks! They swole up to about the size of a nickel and itched like crazy for a week.

I like the fact that spiders eat bugs, but they're eating me too! Damn...I wish I could just tent the house and kill everything inside, my husband excepted!

Posted by: Kasey on July 15, 2004 12:21 PM

House spider? I classify the eight legged lil bastards in two categories: the squishems and nonsquishems. The squishems are the ones that have short legs and move (hop) like bandits. Those are the ones that move from place to place and wind up taking a chunk outta yer arse while you sleep. The nonsquishems are the ones with thin long legs. They usually make themselves a home somewhere in a quiet corner eating pesty lil phockers you see crawling on your tv screen late at night. I'm not sure about their lifespans, but at Casa de Rocket, it can't be too long....*squish*

Posted by: rocketcowboy on July 15, 2004 03:47 PM

There was a black widow spider that nested in the big electrical box up near the mailbox, between my neighbor's driveway and mine, and I only noticed her the other day. I never saw so many egg sacs in my life! I got my charcoal grill flame starter and toasted her yesterday, and I'm hoping BW's are one of the kinds where mama has to open up the sac to let the babies out.

I don't mind spiders, but a black widow infestation is beyond the pale. If I ever discover a brown recluse infestation I'll attack it too, but I'll need to be real careful 'cause I've never fought 'em before.

We can't have spiders in the house, not even harmless ones. My wife can't stand 'em. I haven't told her about the black widow nest; she's got flowers up by the mailbox that she tends to, and knowing the nest was there will be enough to keep her away from it for the rest of the summer.

Posted by: McGehee on July 15, 2004 09:42 PM

Whoa. 3 years? Is that how long it's been since you cleaned behind your toilet? :)

Posted by: The New American Revolutionist on July 16, 2004 01:47 PM
Post a comment

*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.