Gut Rumbles
 

June 08, 2004

amusing? or true?

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody
cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,"retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a discrimination suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

(sent to me by Catfish

Comments

Ooooh, I like this... lol.
Trackback number one, comin' right up...

Posted by: Stevie on June 8, 2004 07:27 AM

That's freakin hilarious!!

Posted by: Mad Mikey on June 8, 2004 09:27 AM

That woud be funny if it wasn't so damn accurate.

Good one!

Posted by: mAss Backwards on June 8, 2004 09:44 AM

Angry blacks who see themselves in the grasshopper call this piece "racism."

Posted by: figures on June 8, 2004 06:37 PM

Hah...that is funny.

I desperately short on content on my blog so I will cut and paste the whole thing and paste it over at bleeding brain and there is nothing you can do about it.

TTFN

Posted by: bleedingbrain on June 8, 2004 06:42 PM

Actually, Rob, ants are smarter than that, when Brother Jesse showed up and started all that singin' and prayin' they'd climb his shoes, crawl into his socks and other underwear and bite the foo out of his ass. He'd run off and shortcircuit that whole scenario.
Too bad we ain't as smart as ants.

Posted by: Peter on June 8, 2004 07:38 PM

>MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

Um... I thought only humans, not verminous insects, were eligible for office?  Or did I misunderstand your story?

/gryn

Posted by: Beast of Bourbon on June 10, 2004 05:54 PM
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