Gut Rumbles

June 05, 2004

I don't believe in mulligans

But I believe that this is a pretty good blog.

For the uninitiated, a "mulligan" is a term used to describe a Don't count that shot! Let me try again! situation where a golfer gets a second chance to hit the shot right, with no penalty for the one he just fucked up. I've played with a lot of people who want a mulligan on the first tee, but life doesn't give you that chance and I don't think a golf course should, either.

Mulligans anywhere else on the course? I call that CHEATING.

Golf can be a humbling game, truly a "good walk wasted" at times. But it's also one of the few games (other than shooting target practice) where your only real opponent is the target you're trying to hit. If you miss, you miss; live with that fact.

Golf probably also is the most cheated-at game in the world. I've been pencil-whipped in a few tournaments where I KNEW some bastard wasn't capable of shooting the score he posted, and I've seen people tee the ball in a sand trap and fudge like hell when they marked a ball on the green. Pull that kind of shit in a poker game and you stand a good chance of wearing a bullet home that night. But people do it all the time on the golf course, then brag about their scores.

Bill Clinton is a perfect example of the kind of golfer I don't like to play with. I believe in counting them all and playing it where it lies.

That's one reason I respect PGA professionals so much. They play by some very complicated (and sometimes ridiculous) rules and abide by them faithfully. In what other professional sport have you EVER seen a player call a foul on himself? Pro golfers do it all the time, when lots of money is at stake. They never ask for mulligans, either.

And like me, they don't believe in "gimme" putts.


Amen, Brother. Play it as it lays.

Posted by: Velociman on June 5, 2004 12:44 PM

perfect. I especially like the Mark Twain reference to "good walk wasted." My family lives and breathes golf. I appreciate the artistry required, but from a distance (the tennis court, for example).

Posted by: Amanda on June 5, 2004 01:36 PM

OK, I'm an asshole.
When that sucker comes to rest in an UNSANDED divot in the fairway,
I play winter rules, and push it over on real grass.
I you watch much TV golf, you see those God-damned cry-babies take EVERY advantage of EVERY possible "ruling". Fuck 'em.
I'm happy with the way I keep score.
It's just me against the golf course. Cheating cheats me.

Posted by: Dan Pursel on June 5, 2004 06:20 PM

Dan, as long as you don't post those scores for handicap or in a tournament, do what you will.

Play them as they lie, and the course as you find it. If you don't repair divots and ball marks or don't rake the bunkers, don't complain about the lies you get because others do as you do.

I play golf because it's me against me.

Posted by: Mike on June 5, 2004 07:29 PM

I agree, Dan. Landing in a divot in the fairway should be considered "ground under repair," and you deserve a drop. The same thing about repairing spike marks on the green. I'll tamp 'em down every time.

Plus, if you play around as many pine trees as I do, agree on a "root rule." Nobody should be required to hit a ball when the swing may break both your club and your wrists. Move it off the root, as long as you have a clean shot except for that root.

I TOLD YOU that I thought some of the rules of golf are ridiculous.

Posted by: Acidman on June 5, 2004 07:31 PM

Don't get me started. I regard the popularity of golf as a large sign of the de-nutting of the American Male.

The proliferation of golf courses? Take your pick of metaphors: Bread and circuses, or "centrifugal bumble-puppy"...

Posted by: mostly cajun on June 5, 2004 09:26 PM

If the motherfucker comes to rest on a root, hit the motherfucker off the root or take an unplayable. What the fuck is all this high motherfucking moral tone about adhering religiously to SOME of the rules?

Posted by: Larry on June 6, 2004 08:58 AM

wow.. i'm just a 1st time visitor (from DGCI) and have just started golfing (flogging) in the last couple years but have come to understand the TRUE meaning and reason for golf. probably because i started so late in life...

but the reason is because when you're out there, you don't think about anything but the hole with a flag stick in it. you don't think about 'the vagina' and what it does or doesn't want, and you don't think about chores or projects. it's a mental clearing and rejuvenation for a man (sorry, no insight for the ladies regarding this).

your mind, the club, the ball, the distance to the cup, and obstacles to overcome: a microcosm of life, as it were, without the variables of religion (unless you pray for good shots or curse god with bad ones) or the influence of gender (unless you're playing mixed groups) and often lubricated with copious amounts of swing oil in 12 oz cans.

and that's all without watching it on TV. i wish i would have started earlier

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Posted by: the dirty old man on July 18, 2004 11:52 PM
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