March 28, 2004

money

Money means a lot more to other people than it does to me. All I ever wanted was enough to keep the bill collectors from the door and keep the IRS off my ass. I never intended to be rich. I just wanted to be comfortable.

I hit that stage in my life, and I was on the borderline of becoming rich. I had more money than I knew what to do with, and more was pouring in every day. I owned a five acre mini-farm, a 3,000 square-foot home and a half-acre garden. I had four goats, 28 chickens, two dogs and two cats.

I loved that place.

I was out in my garden one Saturday morning, working at picking corn, okra, beans, squash, banana peppers, cucmbers and tomatoes. The goats followed me down the fence, because after I picked the corn, I threw the shucks and the stalks over the fence to them. They considered that bounty to be a beautiful treat.

Quinton came riding up on his bicycle and asked if he could go to Michael's house. I told him that he could, but to let me know if he went anywhere else. I watched him ride down the road and I felt as happy as I have ever been in my life. I saw those little legs pumping the pedals down a dirt road in search of adventure and I thought to myself, "He has a chance to grow up just the way I did." He's Huck Finn, but he doesn't know it yet.

I sat down in my garden and smoked a cigarette. I loved the smell of the dirt and the plants. I had a five-gallon bucket filled with my harvest for the day, but just growing all that stuff was pure pleasure to me. I sat there amid the cornrows and beanstalks and thought, "This is what I have wanted all of my life."

I lost it all two months later.

I planted a garden my first year at the Crackerbox, but I ended up giving away everything I grew. Hell, I kept a few cucumbers and a couple of tomatoes, but what was I going to do with the rest of that shit? I wasn't feeding a family anymore. I gave away most of what I grew and I've not planted another garden since then. In fact, I gave away my tiller Friday. I won't use it anymore.

Now, a bloodless cunt, who ALREADY took away my mini-farm and the life I always dreamed of, while going on a fuck-rampage with a new lover, is after me like a combine tractor for more money. I don't understand people who are so greedy. I really can't comprehend how they think. I also don't understand a system where she will WIN, in spite of her cuntly behavior.

I never did a damned thing in my life for money. If the roles were reversed, I damned sure wouldn't be doing to Jennifer what she is doing to me. I don't think or behave that way.

I guess that's why I'm bound to lose. Nice guys finish last.