Gut Rumbles

January 31, 2002

Another random blog encounter. The

Another random blog encounter. The writing leaves a lot to be desired, but THE PRESENTATION is most excellent.

I'm feeling even more poorly

I'm feeling even more poorly today that I did yesterday. I believe I would have to get better to die. But I won't pray for better health. I might attract a wandering minister who does THIS and I might have to sue for being a complete dumbass, too.

In a recent Federal Court decision, GOD was taken down a peg or two. What did He think He was, Microsoft?

Whatever is wrong with me is not NATURAL, or maybe it is. I am too feverish to think about it.

January 30, 2002

If I had played THIS

If I had played THIS GAME last night, I still would be face-down on the floor. Of course, if I had watched Dick Gebhart's speech last night I might still be face down on the floor without playing the game. That guy belches toxic gas every time he opens his mouth.

I've been face-down on the floor enough today. Fucking FLU!

I check out random blog

I check out random blog sites regularly and THIS GUY isn't bad, even if he did semi-plagerize some of his stuff. He can suck the dust of GUT RUMBLES, but I thought I would send a visitor or two to his way just because I'm such a nice fellow. The captain of the USS Clueless won't accept e-mail from this guy, no matter what he writes. His address is "hotmail." Mine is "yahoo" and the captain won't open communication channels to me, either. We have riff-raff e-mail. Elitist snobs don't go there.

It's the world's loss.

Okay, maybe Samizdata is going

Okay, maybe Samizdata is going to ignore the brillaint post I sent them yesterday. It's the world's loss.

The hand-wringing, snot-slingers agonizing over

The hand-wringing, snot-slingers agonizing over the plight of prisoners in the Sheraton At Guantanimo should focus some of their attention HERE and you should, too, because if THAT LINK TAKES, it will be longest piece of code I ever typed.

Of course, anything bad that happens ANYWHERE is America's fault. We need to drop some more daisycutters on selected targets. After the explosion, silence is golden.

Hey, Willie!! You've been BLOGGED!!

Hey, Willie!! You've been BLOGGED!!

My friend Willie has his

My friend Willie has his music-store web site up and running now. You can visit it HERE and buy something from him. Of course, he's the one who went to Merlefest last year and brought me back a T-shirt that said "My Old Lady Said She'd Leave Me If I Bought One More Guitar... sure gonna miss that girl." I didn't buy another guitar, but she was gone three months later anyway.

Every time I see the

Every time I see the blank space at the top of the Blogger page, I feel an overpowering urge to write something on it. I can't help myself.

I didn't watch President Bush deliver the State of the Union address last night. I was convinced beforehand that the state of the union was sound, and that the little Texican fucker was doing pretty good job of running things. I remain amazed that when all economic indicators go up, the stock market goes down like Linda Lovelace, and I stay confused about those blithering idiots who still see our war against terrorism as an ACT of terrorism. I am totally stunned that anyone can take Dick Gebhart seriously as a human being from planet Earth. (The robotic bastard has no eyebrows. If you watch carefully, I believe you'll see the pinky fingers on each of his hands pointing sideways, just like the aliens in the ancient television show, "THE INVADERS.")

Of course, I laid out of work today due to lack of sleep, washed the sheets on my bed, fouled them by taking a long nap and blogged whenever the inspiration hit me. I have not worn clothes today. Yes, I HAVE BLOGGED NAKED! ALL DAY! Who am I to judge anybody?

But I live by myself and I don't even have a dog to supervise what I do. So, I CAN JUDGE THE STATE OF THE UNION AND DICK GEBHART, TOO! And if you don't like it, you can kiss my ass.

It's naked.

I've read the textbooks my

I've read the textbooks my son studies in school, so the fact that UNMITIGATED CRAP IS BEING TAUGHT TO OUR CHILDREN is no surprise. (Scroll down one blog) But I really don't believe this sort of insanity can prevail, not in the long run. Those beady-eyed, politically-correct dorkles who attempt to rewrite history, ignore American heritage and demonize legitimate heroes because those heroes did not worship contemporary, beady-eyed, politically-correct ideals 200 years ago are doomed to fail. Great men remain great men long after their deaths because their accomplishments live on. Beady-eyed, politically-correct assholes are like bugs on a windshield. They may leave an impression, but it washes off sooner or later.

The thought police may have their brief moment of glory, but it will flash and disappear, the way phosphorus does in the salt creeks of Savannah. Meanwhile, men such as George Washington, Robert E. Lee, the pilgrims and Joseph P. Glidden (ha,ha...Google HIM!) will live on forever. They achieved great things, and their deeds are eternal. Bureaucrats and thought police come and go.



No more lottery tickets, no more gambling, no more taking chances for me. I have a sure-fire scheme for making tons of bucks THAT CANNOT FAIL. It's been tried over and over, it has paid off over and over, so why should I reinvent the wheel? I'm gonna sit right here in my house and discover a new menace to public health and safety. I am going to call it "The second-hand smoke menace from plastic ashtrays in houses built on brownfields with weather-treated lumber in the backyard within 1000 feet of electrical transmission wires when cell phone usage equals the presence of PCBs and dioxins in ambient atmospheres." I will link the "study" to birth defects in the male dwarf population and global warming. I will pepper my report with all the "might," "could," "possible" and "perhaps" weasel-words the experts use and include charts and graphs carefully data-dredged to scare the living shit out of anybody ignorant enough to believe what I say. I will call a press conference, present my "findings" and blow a bunch of hot air about risk and saving children and the environment. I will have pre-printed front page articles and editorials as handouts to make life easy for environmental reporters, who will suck up my hogswallop like fine wine.

Then, I will ask for more money to finance continued research into this terrible, deadly plague and I will make a fortune from the gullible assholes who believe me, the mercenary bastards who use my report for their political agendas and companies such as Enron, who throw money at everybody for no good reason. I will set up my lab somewhere nice, maybe St. Martins, and I will suck down rum and chase women for five years before I release a new report, suggesting that THE PROBLEM IS WORSE THAN EVER.

Then, I will ask for more money. THIS WORKS! If you don't believe me, go HERE.

Remember Sidney Harris, the late

Remember Sidney Harris, the late newspaper columnist who wrote the "Things I Learned While Looking Up Something Else" pieces? I believed he was a really ignorant individual if he spent the majority of his life looking up stuff and always getting lost along the way, never finding what he set out for in the beginning. He reminded me of Wiggles, the best dog I ever knew. Wiggles didn't speak English, but he understood about 100 different words in that language. He had a box of toys in my bedroom and I once amazed visitors and seduced women by demonstrating my dog's intelligence.

If I said, "Go get your ball," Wiggles would run to the bedroom and return with a ball in his mouth. The green one was his favorite, so I always shot down the fallacy about dogs being color-blind by saying, "No, not that one. Go get your RED BALL." Wiggles would run back to his toy box, drop the green ball inside and return with the red one in his mouth. When Wiggles had retrieved his rope, his doll, his chew-bone and his bandanna, I usually fed him a Krystal hamburger, which was another talent show, because the dog could cram the entire hamburger in his mouth, gnash vigorously for a few seconds, swallow the hamburger and spit out the pickle slice every time. Women loved that.

Wiggles always put on a good show for spectators. Occasionally, however, when we were alone in the house, I would command, "Wiggles, go get your ball," and he would tear into the bedroom, rummage through his toy box, snort a few times and come up with his chew-bone. Then, he would flop on the floor and gnaw contentedly.

It was simply a case of "Things I Found While Looking For Something Else."

No one "investigating" Enron or

No one "investigating" Enron or Gold Connection will ever admit the truth. The sole reason corporations spend such large sums of money paying politicians, pundits, lawyers and special-interest groups is that YOU MUST BUY THESE PEOPLE TO STAY IN BUSINESS. Government has a greasy thumb stuck in every pie, no matter where it is baked, what filling it may contain or how many are made. Government is ceaseless in churning out idiotic rules, dictates and regulations. The laws may be ridiculous, but government also employs a swarm of bureaucrats and investigators whose only mission in life is to ferret through every aspect of your life to find examples of where a "T" was not crossed or an "i" not dotted and PROSECUTE YOU FOR IT. You cannot fight the government and win if government sets out to get you. Government has too much power and an endless supply of money. Government has ZERO TOLERANCE!

Government also is a giant, sucking blob. Government does THIS CRAP all the time. And more people need to become pissed off about it.

When I write, I often

When I write, I often have no idea what is going to pop out of my head and into print. Sometimes, it JUST HAPPENS and I don't know where it comes from. But I try to follow The Rules.

Otherwise, I'm afraid someone may shred me like THIS.

January 29, 2002

I am beginning to reevaulate

I am beginning to reevaulate myself. What I once believed were virtues have cost me dearly and what I once considered vices have cost me, too. The difference is, I had A LOT MORE FUN following my vices instead of my virtues.

Once, I didn't care if the sun came up in the morning. I frittered my days away chasing wine, women and song and had nothing to show for those efforts except an occasional hangover and a lot of unforgettable adventures. But I slept well every night.

Then, I became serious, put my nose to the grindstone, tried to do right and eventually found myself on my knees, with my nose poking into empty air, while a person I loved smashed the back of my head with the grindstone. Then, she ran me off for an unemployed, dope-smoking lover who probably is wearing the jewlery I once owned that I never recovered after the divorce. Why not? The prick moved right in and settled his unemployed ass dead in the middle of the life I once had. The bloodless cunt gave him everything I held precious: herself, my son, my home and my bed. The experience sure enough opened my eyes about those silly notions of love, loyalty and friendship that I once believed were important.

No, that's NOT true. I still believe in every bit of that, and I have friends that rallied around me when I needed them the most to prove it. Friends I've had for twenty or more years. Friends that cared, and still do. Friends that loved me the way I love them. Friends that I will never give up.

I simply must be more careful in the future and steer my trust where it belongs, to friends instead of bloodless cunts.

But I don't sleep much these days.

By the way, everybody check

By the way, everybody check SAMIZDATA tomorrow, because I sincerely believe that the asshole Rob Smith may be published AGAIN, when those elitist turds won't give Acidman the time of day. Go figure.

War may be hell, but

War may be hell, but humor is everythere, if you only look for it. For a set of Jay Leno on Guantanimo check this one out. (I may have MY OWN JOKES later, but it's been a long day)

I listened to the Sean

I listened to the Sean Hannady radio show on the way home from work today. Enron was the topic and Dick Morris, the toe-sucking ex-advisor to Bill Clinton, called in to launch a vitriolic attack on Sen. Chris Dodd (D (of course) Conn.). According to Morris, Dodd has been operating behind the scenes for years to obstruct legislation that could have prevented the Enron fiasco, especially by keeping the FTC from ending the cozy I'll-audit-you-while-I-consult-for-you arrangements that now have Arthur Anderson claiming God knows what to explain their malfeasance. Dodd also has been paid well for his efforts by every entity caught up in the current unpleasantness, plus a few others that are beginning to sweat bullets now. Morris said that Dodd is engaged in pure cover-ass, hypocritical, shamelessness by rushing to INTRODUCE legislation to ban exactly what he has worked to diligently to PROTECT for the past ten years. Morris also stated quite clearly that Dodd "always showed up drunk" at Democrat strategy meetings.

I believe that I was listening to that show live. I wonder if anybody else was.