Gut Rumbles

September 30, 2002

The GROUP CAPTAIN posted some

The GROUP CAPTAIN posted some lovely photos of his home base. I can't compete with that, because I live among the sandhills and pine barrens of southeast Georgia. We have a lot of farmland around here, so if you like to see corn and soybeans growing, this is where you need to be. Otherwise, the land is flat, boring and bleached by the hot Southern sun. It ain't real pretty, but it's where I like to live.

I can drive east one hour and be on the beach, I can drive five hours north and be in the mountains and I can go to Atlanta, Jacksonville or Charleston in less than three hours. I can be on Daytona Beach in four hours. I can be in Key West in twelve.

I've got the Swamp Fox, Randall's Liquor Store and a Super Wal-Mart just 15 minutes from my house. What else do I need?

See how my MINIONS of

See how my MINIONS of TRASHY WOMEN love me? Some of the pictures DA GODDESS sent are too racy to post here, so I won't, mainly because I'm IN some of those pictures, along with a dwarf, some black chick in a tu-tu, and an Indian contortionist name "Haila." Boy, did we create a commotion at that Motel 6!

If we had only left the goat in the parking lot that night, I'll bet the cops never would have showed up...

In that den of intellectual

In that den of intellectual conversation, raging hormones and sexual iniquity, HOOKED ON BLOGGING, JB posted:

Lookie This!

The Bubba of Bombast...The Rincon Rambler...Georgia's Number One Cracker...

The man who has given the phrase "the break of Dawn" a whole new meaning...

Has also achieved blogger whore stardom.

The Instapundit now features Gut Rumbles on the famous left-hand column.

I wasn't going to mention that, because I was utterly stunned when I saw it, and I believed that saying anything about it might make it go away. I didn't realize that Glenn Reynolds knew I existed. I AM one of his (ILLEGITIMATE) Blog Children, but I never have trolled, pestered or emailed him for attention in my life. But I will admit that I am most highly honored to see my humble blog on his roll. Thank you, exalted one!

That's REALLY gonna chap DAWN'S ASS, which I believe she suggested yesterday that I kiss with my "pucker-butted, ugly, wrinkled face." That woman holds a grudge the way some women cradle a baby. She NURSES it. At least she didn't call me OLD, the way she did in a previous rant.

I will kiss your ass GLADLY, Dawn. You name the time and place, and I will be there. You may take pictures, too, and post them on your blog. I'll bring wine and flowers, kiss your ass, then allow you to spit right in my pucker-butted, ugly, wrinkled face if it makes you feel better. I will be submissive and accept whatever humiliation you wish to heap on my ugly, gray-haired, pucker-butted head. I'll give you the chance to get ALL the venom out of your system.

But be forewarned: I may go home and fisk you again. I am Acidman, after all...

I found an excellent response

I found an excellent response to SGT STRYKER and his screed about The South Was Right over at COLD FURY. Mike makes this excellent point, among many in his post:

The war didn't become principally about slavery even in Lincoln's mind until the Emancipation Proclamation, which, by the way, freed not one slave in the North (yes, there were some even then, and the slave traders were almost universally based there).

I still believe that slavery was an issue in Southern secession, but not the CENTRAL issue. Remember, folks: some of the people involved in that unpleasantness were just one generation removed from the Founders themselves. Robert E. Lee's father was "Light Horse Harry" Lee, a respected hero of the Revolution. The same revolutionary fire and love of personal freedom still burned hotly in people back then, and they didn't like being pushed around by Washington politicians. Revisionist historians try to frame the situation 150 years ago in modern mindset. That's crazy.

In 1860, the nation was not accustomed to having the federal government insert itself into every nook and cranny of life and rule over everything from education to drinking water. We citizens of the Union meekly accept government's unbridled power today, and "Honest Abe" Lincoln laid the foundation upon which the federal Blob squats. Like Jabba the Hutt, the bloated federal government has an insatiable appetite for MORE. More power, more control, more intrusion and MORE OF YOUR MONEY. If the Founders could see what became of the republic they forged, they would drown in their own puke. They wrote the Constitution to STOP that from happening. It happened anyway, largely because of what Lincoln did in the Civil War.

The South WAS right.

And if you want to kill about 30 minutes or so, go check the comments on Stryker's post. Interesting reading there.