Gut Rumbles

June 22, 2003

filthy blog

A humble blogger between the coasts suggested that he wrote "filth" on his site. I was mightily offended by that assertion.

I WRITE FILTH! YOU DON'T! I use words that are considered impolite in civilized society and I spell them out. I don't type "a$$" when I mean "ASS." I don't type "F**K" when I mean "FUCK." I have a foul mouth and I write the way I speak. If you don't like it, BITE ME!

I've always been confused about why some words are "bad." FUCK is bad, but FART is just slightly off-color. STREET is perfectly legitimate, but SHIT is bad. Why is that? There really isn't a lot of difference in spelling.

"Sexual Intercourse" is a very scientific term used to describe basic fucking, and nobody is offended by "sexual intercourse." It's polite and socially acceptable. It also is ridiculous.

Try that kind of language as you're peeling a bra off a willing woman at midnight after $40 worth of margaritas. "I desire to have sexual intercourse with you."


Naw, you say, "Oh, baby I am so hot for you. I want to fuck your brains out. I want to make you see Bejus and call his name out loud."

Try it. Ask a horny woman if she desires to have "sexual intercourse" with you. She'll look at you as if you just landed here from another planet.

Nibble her ear, tweak her nipples and talk dirty, and she's sizzling like spit on a griddle. You don't say, "I really would enjoy inserting my penis into your vagina." The terms "cock" and "pussy" are a lot more appropriate for that situation.

But those are "bad" words.

That's where my confusion sets in. Sometimes "bad" words are GOOD. Sometimes "good" words are BAD. It's all a case of situational ethics.

Fuck it. I really don't give a shit about this subject.


Feel free to borrow my favorite quote from someone anonymous who I'm sure I would admire: "Fuck the fucking fuckers". Short and to the point.

Posted by: Dawn on June 22, 2003 12:26 PM

Telling a woman that you want to have "sexual intercourse" with her will arouse suspicions that you are a) an alien who needs to get her back to the mothership to continue his graphic experiments; or b) a serial killer who wants to have "sexual intercourse", chop her head off, then have "sexual intercourse" again. Bad news bears either way. Tell a willing, half-undressed woman that you want to fuck her, her only thought is going to be "Where?"

Posted by: estella on June 22, 2003 02:07 PM

Granted, the term "sexual intercourse" does conjure up mental images of science labs and rubber gloves, but... Some women prefer a slightly less... colorful definition than "I'd like to fuck your brains out."

Well, once they get out of college anyway. ;)

Posted by: Mr. Lion on June 22, 2003 02:13 PM

How true.

A few basics here:

1. Nipples are not radio knobs. Pinching, twisting and tweaking them doesn't work with ALL women-me for instance.

2. Being told someone wants to "fuck" me sounds like a warning of impending asswittery. I mean, you can fuck people all day, every day, with your clothes on. Example-what the government does to us.

3. Is there something wrong with the phrase "making love"?

Just wondering...

Posted by: stevie on June 22, 2003 02:47 PM

Oh, just my kind of faucks. 8?)
I admit it, when I worked in the oil industry,
fuck was my most favouritest word. Especially when something like a 1250# rv was blowing it's gasket, or a 12,000 rpm compressor was cavitating, or some asswit closed the wrong discharge valve and put about 12 furnaces to the elevated flare.
And I agree with Stevie, niples are NEVER radio knobs.

Posted by: quark2 on June 22, 2003 05:11 PM

I can tune nipples, even if they are NOT radio knobs. I am a guitar player. I have nimble fingers.

Posted by: Acidman on June 22, 2003 05:18 PM

Yes, Acidman, you most certainly do.

And, there's nothing wrong with a guy (or gal) saying they want to fuck your brains out if you're both "there"

Posted by: Da Goddess on June 22, 2003 05:30 PM

preview is my friend
preview is my friend
now that I have changed browsers and are back
niples = my bad
nipples = is are write

Posted by: quark2 on June 22, 2003 05:35 PM

Okay, Acidman (L-ingOL). Sooo, you're saying I shouldn't write that off completely, yet?

Come to think of it, I never have dated a guitar player....hmmmm.

Posted by: stevie on June 22, 2003 10:02 PM

"FART" isn't "off color" ( I sincerely hope it isn't visible at all), but it does smell kinda bad.... :-)

Posted by: Jonathan on June 23, 2003 09:01 AM

If it's cold enough, it's visible (said the guy who used to live in Alaska). And the color is definitely off.

Posted by: McGehee on June 23, 2003 02:59 PM

I never say anything to a woman before sex. The $100 says it all.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on June 23, 2003 05:22 PM

So that's where my EIGHT BUCKS came from!

Posted by: McGehee on June 23, 2003 07:12 PM
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