Gut Rumbles

April 28, 2004

a comparison

From my friend, Catfish:

It is time to do a comparison between two things treasured by men, beer and pussy...

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
advantage: Tie

If you get a hair in your teeth
consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy

Too much head makes you mad at the
person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is
still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer,
your wife may get mad. If you come home
smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not
drive. 6 pussies in a night and you
have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Tie

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath,
you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath,
you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer
any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God. Beer can
make you see the porcelain god.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy
you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer,
you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work,
you get fired. If you try to snag a pussy
at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Tie

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may
break. If you suddenly drop a pussy,
it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your
old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: Beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, PBR, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Tie

Good beer: Samuel Adams, Moosehead,
Pete's Wicked Winter Brew.
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.


The government taxes beer
Advantage: Pussy

Careful, Acidman, some left-shit politician somewhere might read this and get ideas...

Posted by: Texas Reb on April 28, 2004 11:59 AM

The government may tax beer but pussy will bleed you dry!

Posted by: Raoh Gizzip on April 28, 2004 12:09 PM



evening the odds:

Beer doesn't talk your ear off with nonsense----Beer

Beer doesn't vote for gore cause he french-kissed his stupid wife.-----Beer

Beer impairs driving, but pussy can't drive---Beer

Beer never cheats then tries to justify it---Beer

Posted by: ergo on April 28, 2004 02:50 PM

See? This is exactly what I was talking about.
You just made me laugh my balls off, in spite of the tears over Pudgy.
I repeat:
You. Are. AWESOME.

Posted by: Stevie on April 28, 2004 03:06 PM

I had to give up beer. When I have to give up pussy, cover me up.

Posted by: Larry on April 28, 2004 03:42 PM

Hell with that. I'd rather drink a CASE of bad beer than have access to Janet Reno's pussy (assuming she has one).

Advantage: beer.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on April 29, 2004 12:16 AM
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