Gut Rumbles

December 20, 2003

two turds in the doghouse

Quinton set the woods behind my house on fire today.

Actually, HE didn't do it. Hillary "borrowed" a cigarette lighter from her mama's bedroom drawer and the bunch of wild hellions started a "campfire" in my back yard. I saw what they were doing and I told Quinton that he was in charge. I didn't mind them having a campfire, but I expected him to take care of it. "You've seen me build a fire 100 times," I told him. "You know what to do."

I believed that he did. He didn't.

He and Jack became distracted when the wind blew up their asses and took their brains away. They went off to shoot a basketball and left Jack's little sister Kiley around the fire. I'm still not sure what happened next, because after I put out the fire (with the help of a very alert and polite neighbor, who jumped his fence with a shovel in his hand when he saw me battling the blaze), finger-pointing went everywhere.

"Kiley threw burning sticks into the woods!"

"Jack was supposed to put the fire out!"

"Hillary was supposed to be watching Kiley!"

I cut through all the bullshit. I sent the girls home and told the boys to get their butts into the house. I sat them down and administered a tounge-lashing that I wish I had recorded. I talked about responsibility and trust, disappointment and anger. I told them that I expected more from them than what I saw today. I told them that a moment of carelessness such as what they displayed could have burned down somebody's home and landed me in jail. I waxed eloquent.

By the time I was finished, Quinton was crying and Jack was as shrunk-up as a spider on a hot stove. I then banished them to Quinton's room until I decide to let them out of prison. They are suffering horribly in there, playing video games, but I believe that I got my point across.

Got-dam. They almost fucked-up badly today.


Hmm...which charred switch did you use on them?

Fire. Bad. Mmm. Fire. Scary. Ugh.

Posted by: Da Goddess on December 20, 2003 01:52 PM

How Oddball been today, maybe she should be punished too?

Fire sucks! Those kids didn't almost do something bad, they did do something wrong.

Children need to have a healthy respect for fire. It can be beautiful, it can also destroy.

I agree, next time you wax on a tongue lashing go ahead and tape record it. You'll be able to use it again for certain.

Posted by: SASSY on December 20, 2003 01:52 PM

My Dad's dissapointment in me hurt ten fold more than his thundering threats and punsihments.

Posted by: "Ralphy" on December 20, 2003 02:13 PM

How much of the natural underbrush and trees are left? Had they remembered to have the hose turned on and stretched out to the fire?

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 20, 2003 02:41 PM

Does Jack and Hillary's mother know where the cigarette lighter came from?

Separating Jack and Quinton would be an effective punishment.

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 20, 2003 04:13 PM

I was catching up & linked over to that
"watta moron" blog........I left him a nice comment! That stupid bastard should be castrated TODAY and not a moment sooner!

Posted by: wes jackson on December 20, 2003 05:44 PM

Another successful rite of passage. I'm proud of Quinton, actually. I set the woods behind the farmhouse on fire so many times burning model airplanes my father finally had to take the dozer and cut a fire break through those woods. He also beat my ass every time I did it, but I could tell he was proud, in a punitive sort of way.

Posted by: Velociman on December 20, 2003 08:00 PM

Geeze A-Man, THEY almost fucked up? You know better. Who the hell's in charge around there?

Posted by: Larry on December 20, 2003 10:06 PM

...At least the fire dept. wasn't called.

Had it been MY family, they would have been.

Posted by: Key on December 21, 2003 07:35 PM

Reminds me of when I did something similar and got chewed out by about 5 dads. I was a good kid, I guess, but when I got into things with my friends (partners-in-crime), man did I get into things.

Smoky the bear doesn't teach a damn thing to a kid. A full chew-out does. That goes for some grownd-ups too.

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