Gut Rumbles

December 15, 2003

mama tried

I know good and well that my mama sometimes thinks about me, shakes her head and wonders where she went wrong. I grew up in a stable household, I had a loving family and food on the table every day. I had clean clothes to wear. I was given fewer ass-whuppins than I really deserved, and I never was abused.

Still, I grew up to be the Black Sheep of the family.

I suppose that every family needs one, and I assumed that role. I was the rebel, the non-conformist. I drove my parents crazy when I took the first college degree ever earned by ANYBODY on either side of the family and used it to wipe my ass while I played guitar for six years. They couldn't understand how I could squander my future the way I was doing.

Hell, I didn't give a shit about the future. I was having a good time. I had wanton, rampant sex with lots of wimmen and slept past noon every day. I did every drug invented or discovered by mankind. I had no responsibilities and no obligations weighing me down. I was a free man.

I lived my live backward. I retired at the age of 22 and did pretty much what I wanted to do until I was 28. How many people get a chance to do what I did? Be young, dumb and full of cum in the 1970s, hang out in the bars every night, play guitar and have wimmen throw themselves at you. Is that paradise, or what?

I didn't give a shit if the sun came up in the morning. Usually, I was awake to see it when it did. I made enough money to pay my bills and I lived on junk food and amphetamines. I had more pussy than I could handle. I had more dope than I could smoke. I was living in high cotton by my standards.

I don't remember what burnt me out and made me go straight when I did. I believe that I was playing guitar one night and just had a flash about what I would look like and where I would be in ten years if I kept going the way I was going. I went to work in the chemical plant one month later.

I quit smoking dope, quit taking amphetamines and started doing shiftwork. I married twice, sired two children and provided well for my family as I moved up through the ranks. I worked my ass off. I still played guitar with my friends, but I stopped doing it in the bars. I tried as hard to live the straight life as I could.

But I fucked it up. Now, I have two divorces under my belt and a totally fractured family. I seldom speak to my daughter and I see my son twice every month. Neither ex-wife wants anything to do with me. I sleep alone most of the time and I'm beginning to like it that way. I lost my career because of my blog.

I've managed to be the Black Sheep almost all of my life. I seem to be good at that job. But it's all my own fault.

Mama tried.


May be your fault, but everything can be an opportunity, as you're discovering by taking that big severance settlement and doing something different. Enjoy....not many people get that kind of opportunity.

Posted by: Jane on December 15, 2003 09:13 PM

My mama tried too......

Posted by: DavidB on December 15, 2003 09:15 PM

I visit often and I know you have said before that you lost your job because of your blog, however I can't find anywhere about you saying how it happend. Have you said or am I over looking it. I'm just wondering because I've said all kinds of shit about my job in my blog and I don't want it to happen to me.

Posted by: Brandy on December 15, 2003 10:15 PM

Dude, you're feeling sorry for yourself. Get your ass out of mope and start moving!

I'm a southern boy too, from almost exactly your background, and almost exactly your age (I'm just a lbit younger, and a bit better lookin"),

OK, the bitches screwed you over. They screwed me over too. The bitches always screw everyone over. That's why they're bitches. Moral: Don't go out with bitches, no matter how hot the look nor how tight the twat.

You fucked up. Big deal, it happens to us all. You screwed up the front half of your life. Don't blow the last half feeling sorry. for yourself You know better now, and you're a world-famous blogger. Get out there and make it right this time. Time's a wastin'.

You're a very accomplished man with nothing to be sorry for, but you're lonely. Lonely. It shows in everything you write. Get over the bitches and get with someone, anyone, you like, as soon as you can. It'll be different thiis time. Or the next time. Or soon thereafter...

P.S.: If you find a good one, could you ask if she has a sister for me?

Posted by: Steve Chamberlain on December 15, 2003 11:30 PM

I am a good one, and I do have an available sister, true blond and blue-eyed, younger than I am, by 5-years. She is a young widow and will soon be ready to stretch her "horizons."

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 16, 2003 12:35 AM

We are both intelligent, raised by fantastic parents, and financially independent, not rich, but not looking for a "sugar daddy."

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 16, 2003 12:38 AM

Most importantly, we are not self-centered bitches.

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 16, 2003 12:40 AM

Acidman, your mother and my mother would like each other. Think about that for awhile.

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 16, 2003 12:42 AM

Two divorces here too, Acidman. After the second one, a guy I worked with passed along some advice:

"If if floats, flies, or fucks, it's most always cheaper to rent."

Words to live by.

Posted by: Dave D. on December 16, 2003 06:42 AM

You got any regrets?
I Don't
As Jimmy Buffet said "I would rather die while I'm liveing,than live while I'm dead"

Posted by: Airboss on December 16, 2003 07:12 AM

You got any regrets?
I Don't
As Jimmy Buffet said "I would rather die while I'm liveing,than live while I'm dead"

Posted by Airboss at December 16, 2003 07:12 AM

You're getting good advice there, Rob. But, you already KNEW that.

Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim on December 16, 2003 07:28 AM

Hmm, I think I've heard of this phenomenon before.

STOCKTON, CAŚCiting numerous examples of ostracization and failure to fit in, all of Paul and Martha Klessig's three children see themselves as the black sheep of the family...

Posted by: Frank the tank on December 16, 2003 07:51 AM

"I've said all kinds of shit about my job in my blog and I don't want it to happen to me."

I was going to post something like this but Brandy beat me to it. I don't recall where you explained how the blog led to your premature retirement?

Posted by: Starhawk on December 16, 2003 08:17 AM

One of the last things I did before my mom and pop died was to make sure they knew it wasn't their fault I turned out the way I did. Make sure your mama knows. You'll be glad you did.

Posted by: Larry on December 16, 2003 10:21 AM

Well Ms. Anna, I am the penultimate sugar daddy, second only to Rob.

Posted by: Steve Chamberlain on December 16, 2003 12:28 PM

I'm sorry your corporation let you go, but it seems to me that you have gained your career because of your blog. You are a writer, and this blog will lead to rewards.

I have noticed your writer's voice coming out more strongly since the job set you free.

My boyfriend's brother worked for a company for over 20 years and they let him go when they decided to move operations to a cheaper country. Now he makes $9 an hour and is very depressed, but he has time to work on his bowling, and last week he bowled a 269. He had plans to pursue pro bowling until he got married at 18 and had three kids by 20.

I hope things work out with your daughter soon. I graduated from AASU Saturday and neither of my parents were there. I was the first to graduate, too, but I hope I won't be the last.

My mama didn't try, but I do!

Posted by: Renee on December 16, 2003 12:45 PM

After reading this post I think I see why I enjoy reading your rumbles.

We're from the same generation. I wasted the early 70s smoking dope and chasing whores in the U.S. Navy. Mostly all over the Western Pacific.

I too later straighten up for no reason I can figure. Maybe it was "maturity".

Keep on bloggin'

Posted by: Bill on December 16, 2003 01:25 PM

Dang, Bill, chasin' the whores in the US Navy? Were there a lot of them? And they went all the way to the Western Pacific to get away? (Most guys just wave money, and they come a-runnin, or so I'm told.) Civilian whores prob'ly woulda been easier to catch.

That wasn't a wasted youth. That was research for the novel and movie that will eventually be made.

Posted by: SwampWoman on December 16, 2003 02:47 PM

When I tried to reproach MY momma for how I turned out, she said something like, "I did the best I could, when you consider what I had to work with".

Posted by: Justthisguy on December 16, 2003 05:46 PM

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Posted by: sexshop on January 1, 2004 09:33 AM

If you understand, things are as they are. If you do not understand, things are as they are.

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