Gut Rumbles

October 05, 2003

sunday brunch

I thought about going to the Waffle House this morning for some eggs, grits and gefilte, but I really didn't feel like putting any pants on. So, I didn't and cooked my own meal for a Sunday morning. I call it a "Fish-Stick Sandwich" and you make it like this:

* Take a handfull of fish-sticks out of the freezer and throw 'em in some hot grease.

* Take a large hamburger bun and nuke it in the microwave for 20 seconds to make it nice and warm and soft, like a woman's nekkid breast.

* Slather the bun with tartar sause and Chinese hot mustard. (That's not bad slathered on a woman's nekkid breast, either. I would much rather eat off a nekkid woman than a paper plate.)

* Lay four Claussen's long-way-cut dill pickle slices on the bottom half of the bun, and cover the dill slices with sliced jalapena peppers.

* Take the fish-sticks out of the hot grease before you burn them up and catch your kitchen on fire. Place them on a paper plate with a paper towel on it to absorb any excess grease. Remember to turn the stove off and move the grease-pot to an idle burner.

* Put as many fish sticks as you can cram on the top bun. Lay two slices of American cheese on top of the fish sticks and pop just the top bun into the microwave for 25 seconds, so that the cheese melts and glues the fish sticks together.

* Then, put the top bun on the bottom bun, crack open a cold Mountain Dew and eat a gourmet brunch. Keep paper towels handy, because you'll drool all over yourself if you don't. I'm talking damn fine eating here.

I'll give you my recipe for a toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich later.


Sounds like my style of cooking (although I don't eat fish). Mountain Dew is a little overboard, though. I woulda thunk hot black coffee... Anyway, nice, refreshing blog.

Posted by: dda on October 5, 2003 10:21 AM

I'll try your's and if you get the urge you can try mine.
Greg Beckís per-fuckin-fect fried chicken.

The shit that youíll be needing.

ō Large pot, not a fry pan or a fancy pants sautť pan but a large to medium sized metal pot.
ō Large bottle of canola oil.
ō Dead chicken, I use wings or skinless breasts and cut em into strips. You use what you want.
ō Six eggs
ō Bunch of fuckin flour.
ō Salt
ō Pepper
ō Garlic, I use either powdered or minced
ō Onion powder
ō Old Bay Seasoning
ō Red pepper, powdered or crushed
ō One popcorn kernel

What to do with all this shit.

Put pot on stove and pour oil in till pots halfway filled. But donít turn on the heat yet.
Wash chicken in cold water, then rewash your fuckin hands. Always be with the hand washing!
Salt and pepper the chicken, then sprinkle with Old Bay Seasoning. Take a large bowl and crack all six eggs into it. Then add small amount of garlic and Old Bay plus a bit of onion powder. Get one of those whippy things and whip the egg mix till all the shit blends together. Add chicken and make sure itís all covered by egg mix then put in fridge. Now go have a smoke or surf the net for a half hour or so. Now you can turn on the stove. Medium high heat should do. You donít want it too hot no matter what that punkass Emrill says. If you gots a gas stove you want the flame where itís just starting to spread under the middle of the pot. For electric stove you want high heat. Gas gets hotter you know. Find a large paper sack and pour a shitload of flour into it. Add salt and pepper and also garlic to taste. Add onion powder and more Old Bay. Shake all this shit together. The mix is right when it smells good. Throw popcorn kernel into pot of oil. As soon as it pops the oilís hot enough. Take the bowl of egg washed chicken out of the fridge and put chicken into sack and shake like a muthafucker. Chicken should come out of bag fully coated. Carefully lay chicken into hot oil, do not pack together but loosely. You cook this shit in batches. Now hereís the most important part!! Once chicken goes in do not fuckin touch it! If youíve done what Iíve said the chicken should be completely covered by the oil. Now go sit your ass down somewhere. Hear the noise of the chicken frying? When the frying noise stops and the chicken floats, that means the chickenís done. Carefully remove chicken from pot and lay on screen or paper towels. As soon as you do that sprinkle with salt. Repeat cooking process till all chickenís cooked. Add frozen fryís to the still hot oil. Cook to taste. You will end up with crisp tasty thatís not greasy or oily. And get this, it tastes better after a night in the fridge!

Posted by: Greg Beck on October 5, 2003 10:36 AM

I never did the popcorn kernel thing to test the temperature of the grease. That sounds reasonable to me. I just always dipped my hand under the faucet, threw a couple of drops of water in the oil and waited for it to stop cracking and popping.

I recommend adding a big dose of terragon and just a dab of ginger to your seasoning. Otherwise, your recipe sounds pretty good.

I'll still put my fried chicken up against anybody's.

Posted by: Acidman on October 5, 2003 11:09 AM

Claussen pickles are THE best!

My cousin introduced me to toasted PB and J's many moons ago - delicious! Especially with crunchy PB and white bread.

Posted by: GrumpyBunny on October 5, 2003 11:19 AM

Acidman, you should've come to our house for breakfast. Then, we could've had grits...about the only thing I was missing.

Posted by: Stevie on October 5, 2003 11:47 AM

Take a large hamburger bun and nuke it in the microwave for 20 seconds to make it nice and warm and soft, like a woman's nekkid breast.

Well damn if I'm not going out for a burger after reading that. You should be in food marketing.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on October 5, 2003 05:01 PM
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