Gut Rumbles

August 24, 2003

my mama

I took the boys over to see mama today. We stopped and bought a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken with all the fixings on the way. I spilled the goddam gravy on Mama's kitchen table as I was lathering up my mashed potatoes. I made a mess, but my Aunt Peggy cleaned it up.

Aunt Peg and Uncle Virgil are visiting to keep an eye on my 92 year-old grandmother while my mama undergoes chemo and radiation therapy. She's got a pesky case of cancer that won't rub off. She had me sign a lot of papers today giving me access to her bank accounts and personal financials. My brother signed them all last weekend.

I don't want my mama's money. I want my mama.

She ran a marathon when she was 50 years old. She taught me how to farm. She took me in and cared for me when I had nowhere else to go after the Bloodless Cunt threw me out of MY HOUSE and the doctors cut up my guts.

She's put up with a lot of shit from me over the years and she still loves me as much as I love her. The chemo has made most of her hair fall out, but my mama is a GOOD-LOOKING bald-headed lady. That fact is not surprising. She was a baby-doll when she was young.

My dad was a lucky man.

I am lucky, too. I had a father who taught me to be a real man and a mother that I woudn't trade for the all riches of the world. A lot of kids never have that experience. I did. Bejus smiled upon me when I was born.

My mama feels good and remains optomistic. 15% of people with the cancer she has survive for five years or more. She says long odds are excuses for losers. And she is a WINNER. She looks good bald-headed in a baseball cap, too.

I wasn't going to blog about my mama, but I become really emotional on Sunday evenings. Quinton is gone. I'm alone in the Crackerbox. I feel like shit.

So, I wrote this post.


Oddly, I look forward to your Sunday night posts. They touch me. Visitation with your children is a mean-spirited idea. Like you, I would spend weekends with my child and it felt like heaven. Everything she said and did, everything we saw together and laughed about, was replayed in my head throughout the week. It kept me alive. And every Sunday night, after I said goodbye and she went back to her mother, I broke down and cried.
All that pain and we still have a relationship. She's in college now. I'm just so proud of her accomplishments and the fact that she loves me as if I was with her everyday of her life.
Like you, despite all my efforts, I have not been able to forgive my ex. It eats me up inside. This in spite of a happy second marriage.
Take care. You''ll always have the love of your boy.

Posted by: chris on August 24, 2003 06:49 PM

Hang in there, man. Your Mama is a tough Southern lady, like mine was. My Mama had cancer too, at 80, and the day she was diagnosed, she refused further treatment. She ran my Dad's household, and she ran it until 3 days before her death, when she laid down to accept the decision of her Maker.

She was as honorable in death as she was in life. Thirteen years later, I still miss her.

She set so many great examples for me, I wouldn't know where to start listing them.

I know how you feel, man, but hang in there and keep talking to us. We'll be there for you.

Rivrdog, proud Son of the South

Posted by: Rivrdog on August 24, 2003 06:55 PM

I'll never understand why people who split up use their kids as bargaining chips and possessions.

Children should never bear the brunt of the ugliness. It's heartbreakingly inhumane. They should have some input into what happens to them.

And what's happening to you is inhumane. I just don't understand it.

You hang in seem like a real good guy. Quinton is lucky.

Posted by: donawana on August 24, 2003 08:25 PM

*just smiles* and Prayers for your Mom...
I hope a :hug: is okay cause youre getting one...:BIG HUGS:

Posted by: Trease on August 24, 2003 08:35 PM

I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers, Acidman...

hugs from OK,


Posted by: janet on August 24, 2003 08:46 PM

ALL Southerners and their spawn are tough old birds. ; )

My fathers been through 2 by-passes and 4 angioplasties. He's on enough medication to either bankrupt a second-world country OR glow in the dark.

Every day that's touch and go makes me appreciate him that much more. ;)

Posted by: Symph on August 24, 2003 09:09 PM

Your mom is very blessed to have a son who appreciates her too. I'll keep both of you in my prayers. And of course your momma is in the top 15%. How could she not be? :)

It's also clear that what she gave you, you're giving to Quinton - a deep love that doesn't put up with crap but doesn't ever go away either. An amazing legacy.

Posted by: susanna on August 24, 2003 09:25 PM

Acidman, your Sunday evening posts touch to the heart, don't stop. Ever. You should be proud of your mama and I know she is proud of you. Teaching that familial strength to Quentin is the best thing you can do.

Thanks for being brave and open enough to share your life with all of us.

Posted by: Nate on August 24, 2003 09:31 PM

Rob -

If you haven't already, you might enjoy "Its not about the bike" by Lance Armstrong. Like the title says, it isn't. It is mostly about his heroic and successful battle against cancer. I found it surprisingly upbeat and informative.

I have a friend who is in a fight for his life with cancer, and reading the book made me understand what he's going through a lot better.


Posted by: Ole Eichhorn on August 24, 2003 11:19 PM

She's in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: Da Goddess on August 25, 2003 12:00 AM

I've yet to go through anything like this (well except for the ex) but I have had many friends have your experience. The common factor in there loved ones survival is a desire to learn as much about there own condition as possible and an iron clad attitude that they will win.
If your momma made kid like you, cancer is in for a serious ass-whippin'.
We are all pullin' for her.

Posted by: KW on August 25, 2003 03:28 AM

I hope someday my boys feel the same way about me...

Posted by: Lisa on August 25, 2003 06:10 AM

I'm calling my mom.....thank you for that....Quinton is one lucky little boy....

Posted by: Charmed on August 25, 2003 06:49 AM

I know where you're coming from A-man. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mum.

Posted by: Chablis on August 25, 2003 09:07 AM

There is nothing like having to think about the death of your parents. I was forced into this horrible task because my dad has his own company and as his oldest son, even if I don't want to run it someday, I am going to have to have some knowledge to tie up the loose ends if and when something happens to my father. It isn't fun. One of the horrible realities of life. I am with you. I don't want my dad's company, or the money that could come from it. I just want to keep my parents.

Posted by: FilteringCraig on August 25, 2003 09:38 AM

Like "Charmed", I called my mother and told her I love her. Both of my parents are still (thank God) alive and pretty well. I don't pray often, but I said a prayer for your Mom and wish the best.

Posted by: on August 25, 2003 01:28 PM

Tough guys are usually bred by tough women. My best to the tough women in your family, Rob.

Posted by: Juliette on August 25, 2003 04:05 PM

Even though you're an atheist, I have to say God bless you and your mama. And yes, she did raise a real man and it makes me smile to see you passing those traits on to Quinton. You're a good son and father, I don't care what those leftie trolls say about you.

Posted by: Brent on August 25, 2003 04:10 PM

Please let me know how things are with mamaw if you would. I can never get through to you via e-mail so hopefully you'll read this. I'l like to know how she's doing. I'm afraid if I call her I'll get all emotional.

Posted by: Your Daughter on August 25, 2003 05:45 PM

Rob, I had a good cry after reading this post. You and your Mom will be in my prayers.

Posted by: Robin on August 25, 2003 08:27 PM

No prayers at this end -- I'm an atheist -- but kiss yer Ma from me, and tell her an African's kiss (even by proxy) is good luck.

It's an outright lie, but she won't know that.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on August 25, 2003 09:43 PM

I will add her the list of people I pray for: note to self add Acidmawmaw to list of people who need extra attention from the MAN.

Posted by: Dawn on August 26, 2003 06:13 PM

My 90-something gramma's ovarian cancer just went into remission after chemo and radiation. I do truly hope your mamas results are the same.

Posted by: pril on August 29, 2003 10:30 AM
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