Gut Rumbles

August 16, 2003

some rules are for fools

Here is a list of rules that I violate all the time.

1. Observe the speed limit. Yeah, right. Nobody else does, so why should I? The only place I drive slowly is in a school zone, because I know that kids are idiots and I don't want to run over one. Outside of there, I go as fast as I can.

2. No Smoking. Fuck you. I'll smoke 'em if I've got 'em, and I always have 'em. The worst you can do is glare at me and tell me to put it out. I will, too, just as soon as I am finished. I sometimes light a cigarette just to piss anti-smokers off.

3. do not pass. If the slowpoke ahead of me would speed up, I wouldn't need to pass. But if he doesn't, I will. I don't pay a lot of attention to yellow lines when I know the roads.

4. Don't drink and drive. How the hell am I supposed to get home from the Sea Grill or Wisenbacker's after a big meal and several drinks? Walk? I don't think so.

5. Jaywalking. I cross the street when I see an opening in traffic. Screw an intersection. At least I run across the street. Some people like to stroll and cause accidents, or sometimes get hit by a car. Most of those slow walkers in traffic are big-assed black wimmen. I'm sorry, but it's true. Sometimes, when I see one of those asswits, I want to roll down my window and shout, "Didn't your mama teach you how to cross the street, you fucking idiot?" until I realize that she's leading at least one child across the "skreet" with her. Just like mama taught her.

Bejus. If you're going to break rules, at least KNOW THE RULES FIRST. Then, breaking them is a conscious decision, not an act of pure dumbassery.

I could continue, because I break a LOT of rules. But I am finished now, with my top five.


Gee A-Man, was that you behind us the other night walking to our car, smoking a cigarette, and speeding home after a great meal and some drinks at the French Market, passing that slowpoke granma ahead of us, too? Thought it was my shadow.

Posted by: Laura on August 16, 2003 11:22 AM

I tell ya, if you hadn't written it first, I very well could've done something just like it.

Posted by: Greg on August 16, 2003 02:00 PM

Bike Riders' addendum, rules concerning: 1, stop signs; 2, red lights; 3, wrong way. Curiously, done right, nobody notices. You blend in like an Indian, a sort of wheeled pedestrian making steady progress towards an unknown destination.

Posted by: Ron Hardin on August 16, 2003 04:24 PM

I'd like to add
Left turn yield to oncoming traffic. If I have time, especially if I can jump it before the dumbass across from me takes his foot off of the brake after the red light, I'm going for it, 'cause you *know* nobody's gonna give you a break. It's what's known around here as a Pittsburgh Left.

Posted by: Kat on August 16, 2003 05:43 PM

think of the children first.
Give me a break, this has got to be the most dumb ass thing that our society has ever come up with. One, the children depend on the adults. For everything. Two, they have no discrimination; for chrissakes they like barney!
three, they can be screaming little brats who only want what they want.
and the list could go on.
Fuck em. They get what you give them. They get your ideas, your dreams, your prejudices. The point is that they have to learn to integrate them, and figure out what ideas, dreams and prejudices they want. Thats what makes them people. Centering a world around the wants and ideas of children is simply insane.
(Ok, I agree about slowing down in neighborhoods and schools, the little twits never watch what they're doing)

Posted by: kevin on August 16, 2003 08:05 PM

Underestimation is a two-way street.

Posted by: Hughes Patrick on May 3, 2004 01:22 PM
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