Gut Rumbles

August 04, 2003

more on bottled water

I have managed to chap a bunch of sensitive asses with my rants about bottled water. When I read "Why don't you drink some of this alkalai-filled, arsenic-laced shit we call water around here? Shit your brains out and puke your guts out for a few days. THEN tell me I'm a pussified yuppie for buying bottled water."

I'm not talking about going to the grocery store and buying water in one-gallon jugs to drink and cook with because the water out of the tap is damn near unfit to flush a toilet. I've done that. Go down around Fort Myers, Florida, on the beach. That's the most sulfurous water I ever smelled. You couldn't take a shower in it without making the entire bathroom smell like an egg-fart.

I ain't gonna drink that crap and I ain't gonna ask my family to, either. I made a run to the grocery store and bought a CASE of 12 one-gallon jugs of water for $10.00. That's what we cooked with and drank while we were there. Good, cheap, clean, fresh water. Twelve gallons for $10.00.

While I was at Summer Waves, the big water park on Jekyll Island, I became thirsty from being out in the sun and watching the boys play. I looked around for a water fountain and couldn't find one. I saw HUNDREDS of people walking around with bottles of Evian and Aquapure and the rest of that yuppie shit in their hands.

I went up to a concession stand. "How much for a pint of cold water?" I asked.

"$2.00," was the reply.

"How much for a cold Mountain Dew?"

"$1.70." I bought the Mountain Dew. It came in a bottle just as large as the yuppie water did.

That's when I had my epiphany about bottled water. We have become so health-conscious, risk-averse and brainwashed by bullshit today that some asshole working out of a mobile home in Dalton, Georgia can fill plastic bottles out of the nasty tap in his kitchen sink, slap some kind of "spring-water" label on it, and convince people that it's worth $2.00 a pop because it "tastes better" than regular water. My ass.

If you spend your money on $2.00 water, you need to be dragged off and shot. You can buy DISTILLED WATER at any drugstore for $1.99 a gallon. (I did that when I was mixing my powdered elixer for Roscoe shots.) That's as pure as water gets, and you can fill up EIGHT of your designer plastic bottles from that one gallon. That's water that has been DISTILLED for about 20 cents a pint. But YOU'LL pay $2.00 a lick without even knowing where it came from. Dumbfucks.

Bejus. People who drink bottled water will destroy this country.

(And I want to add that eight years of my career were spent in steam generation. I know a lot more about "quality water" than most people do. That knowledge is essential in operating boilers and turbine generators. I would like to run a few tests on that piss you pay $2.00 a bottle for and show you what's really in it compared to your tap water.)


With all due respect, I've spent a day or two around steam generation myself and if you go drinking pure distilled water you'd better be in the head standing next to a shitter cause it's going to run right through you!!!

Posted by: phillip on August 4, 2003 06:18 PM

Actually, you shouldn't drink distilled water. It lacks the salts and minerals that are needed for proper hydration. Though I agree spending too much on water is silly.

Just buy a PUR water filter for your kitchen faucet and there ya go. Even better, refill those expensive PVC bottles. Cheaper water and you're recycling.

I do think spending $2.00 for a bottle of WATER is stupid. Those who buy bottled water regularly should consider their yearly costs and consider installing a water purifier in their basement (if a home owner), especially if their water is putrid. My water tastes nasty and is hard on the ol' digestive track, but it's find for everything else, so a PUR filter is fine, I just want it for drinking water.

Posted by: Marc on August 4, 2003 06:21 PM

Distilled water WILL NOT give you the shits. Not if you eat food along with it. I wouldn't try to LIVE on distilled water, but I don't buy that $2.00 shit in a bottle, either.

Posted by: Acidman on August 4, 2003 06:24 PM

I agree about the fancy water. I drink bottled water because I can't stand the water out of our tap. But I drink the $.59/gallon water from Wal-Mart.

Posted by: drc on August 4, 2003 06:56 PM

I drink distilled water. It's cheap and I use it to keep my humidor charged. I did the big slide at Summer Waves last summer and I came out two inches shorter than I went in and felt like a beat mule. I'm getting old, dammit.

Posted by: Velociman on August 4, 2003 07:57 PM

Ha! You wish you could chap my pretty white ass! I pay $1.40/gallon, and it's delivered right to my door.

Posted by: shell on August 4, 2003 08:09 PM

When people pay $2 for a bottle of water at an amusement park, they are probably doing so because they are thirsty and don't have a container to carry water in. It's a convenience. I like bottled water because I am too lazy to fill up a container and carry it with me.

Posted by: sugarmama on August 4, 2003 08:34 PM

Given the choice between sugaring myself up and buying a nice cold bottle of Dasani, I'll go with the Dasani. If I'm on a trip, that is.

If I'm near decent tap water, I go that route.

If all I have to choose is pop and Evian, I go with the pop. Evian is wretched salty spooge.

It's just water. A dollar bottle of water is not going to put me into bankruptcy.

Posted by: Keith on August 4, 2003 10:05 PM

There are, though reasons to think about taking it easy with the distilled water.

Posted by: Ed Flinn on August 5, 2003 03:13 PM

Having worked in the nuclear field for sometime and doing water treatment for some period of time, I have spent a fare share of my life pumping and generating DI water. This is a little more clean then you would want to drink. If you drink this, it'll actually suck the chemicals out of your system and take it along with you in your pee. Recently I had the pleasure of having a member of our state health and regulartory services come out to my house to do a random test of my water. When I asked her what was she testing, she stated that the only thing we have to test by state law is that it has the min requirement of chlorine in the water. Understand mind you, MIN AMOUNT. This thing could be 80% chlorine and it wouldnt matter, as long as she saw the flask turn pink after dropping her dye in it, it was good to go. So as for me, yeah I agree... I am from florida originally and yeah you have to smell the north florida motel pool to understand what sulfur really smells like, but I wouldn't drink any tap water including where we live. Even our company water fountain is so god awefull that I can smell the chlorine coming our of it before pressing the button to dispense. The best thing I would do is take a bath or piss in it. Thats about it.

Posted by: Julian on August 6, 2003 11:24 AM
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