Gut Rumbles

July 26, 2003

being dad

I should get off my lazy ass and cut the grass today. Maybe I will. If I don't, the job will wait until tomorrow.

I fixed bacon, eggs and biscuits for breakfast this morning and one of the three (or the combination) made me quite windy. When I felt the first gut-rumbles, I told Quinton, "Pull my finger." He did, and I let loose a fart with a three-foot tail on it. The boys rolled on the floor laughing. Young men find farts very amusing.

They began attempting to "conjure" farts of their own by beating on their bellies and making horrible faces. I said, "THIS is how you do it," as I hiked one leg and let loose another thunderbolt. It was a nice 'un. No aroma but very loud.

I put those younguns to shame. I also told them that I would sit on them and deliver a direct dose if they screwed up today. They have minded me well ever since.

I just heard Quinton telling Jack "My daddy farts LOUD! Can YOUR daddy fart that loud?"

Jack replied, "Your daddy is the best farter I ever heard."

I have a claim to fame.


Sitting and farting on them? We call that "Putting them in the Chamber"!

Posted by: drc on July 26, 2003 02:33 PM

My 8yr old, Anna, has decided that she will be Queen of Farts. She thinks they're facinating, even better than big ol'burps.

And actually, I don't mind a bit, 'cause as pretty as she is and as pretty as she's going to be, her dad and I need Something to keep the lecherous advances of boys away. And flatulence won't get you jail time.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on July 26, 2003 03:14 PM

You would fit in quite nicely around here...
I'm glad to know it's a *man* thing, I was afraid I'd raised *s*...Trease

Posted by: Trease on July 26, 2003 03:45 PM

You know you're good when they're bad enough to make the dog get up and move.

The flatu-fuel that works best for me is scrambled eggs with shots of Tabasco and a day of drinking beer. That's guaranteed to peel paint.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on July 26, 2003 06:49 PM

In my younger (non-parson) days, a 6-pack of Coors and about three pickled eggs would fire me up for a good long time. And the "aroma" was guaranteed.

Posted by: The Parson on July 28, 2003 09:31 AM

Hmmmmm interesting !!!

Posted by: dzwonki polifoniczne on May 26, 2004 02:22 PM
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