Gut Rumbles

July 23, 2003

if I were a woman

Maybe I am sick to think this way, but I've always wondered what kind of woman I would have made had I been born female. My brother should have been my SISTER. Maybe then I would have a better perspective on this question.

I grew up in a predominantly male household. I spent much of my life being terrified of wimmen because I didn't understand them. I STILL don't understand them, but I was cursed with lust in my heart and I laid a bunch of them during my guitar-playing career. I married two, lost two homes and two childrern as a result. What did I do after that?

I bought a DICK IMPLANT so that I can chase wimmen until I die. Tell me I'm not fucked up.

Yeah, I cuss wimmen a lot. But I am a damn fine one to do it, seeing how much I like their company.

I want to take a female companion to Charleston and feed her catfish, okra and fried green tomatoes, with a bottle of really nice wine. After that, we'll walk the Historic District, then we'll ride down to the Battery and see Fort Sumter. After that, we'll go back to the motel and fuck like wild dogs.

If I were a woman, I WOULD DO THAT!

It's a good thing I'm not a woman.


Who says you won't find a woman who would think that is a fine way to spend a week-end.

Posted by: MommaBear on July 23, 2003 08:34 PM

Speaking of fucking like wild dogs, when do you get to try out the new cyberdick?

Posted by: shell on July 23, 2003 08:35 PM

You sound just like my husband - eat, get drunk, see some historic military stuff and have sex. Hmmm...maybe men ARE all alike after all...

Posted by: hope on July 23, 2003 10:26 PM

If you were a woman, A-man, you'd be a drunken slut.

And a damned ugly one at that.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on July 23, 2003 10:33 PM

Ralph, that's what they made light switches .

Posted by: ken on July 23, 2003 11:06 PM

Sounds pretty file way to spend a weekend to me. And chasing wimmen is in a man's blood, well most of them anyway. Pretty normal to me.

Posted by: mog on July 23, 2003 11:06 PM

Fine way, can't type.

Posted by: mog on July 23, 2003 11:07 PM

if i were a woman, my kids would be AWFULLY confused....heh heh heh

Posted by: mr. helpful on July 23, 2003 11:10 PM

Sounds like a delightful way to pass time.

After that, I'd get a little wild and invite the dwarf and the goat and the black chick in the tutu in for some fun.

Posted by: Da Goddess on July 24, 2003 01:18 AM

Add to that four neckties, an old iron bed, and a bottle of good wine... And in the morning, hot black coffee, biscuits and gravy, and orange juice?

Hmmm... Sounds like a plan to me.

Does it rain in the morning in Charleston? I love it when it rains in the morning. Gray rainy days are perfect Mating Weather.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on July 24, 2003 02:45 AM

And I don't begrudge you your feelings about wimmen. But it does pain me that an awfull lot of us don't know what we have or appreciate it when we have it. Ruins it for the rest of us.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on July 24, 2003 02:50 AM

There are some wimmen who do that, just not an awful lot of them.

Posted by: Chelle on July 24, 2003 06:55 AM

There must be a woman in your area of the country who thinks that sounds like a great idea, give her a call, she'd probably be more than ready to go!

Posted by: Merry on July 24, 2003 07:40 AM

Acidman, I would have to agree with Ralph. No offense; but I don't think you would get much sex (looking as you do) if you were a woman. However, having said that, I can't imagine that you would blog with the same intensity if you were a woman.

Posted by: AnalogMan on July 24, 2003 02:31 PM
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