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June 30, 2003i am going to play againI posted a Catfish email about golf and I got a lot of comments, most from people who never played golf. I haven't played since July 5th, 2001. I remember that last round as if it were yesterday. I always remember when I play for money. I won money that day, with a 205-yard five wood shot over 200 yards of water on the 18th hole that ended up ten feet from the flag. I drilled that fucking shot and then I sank the putt for all the money. Then, I put my clubs away one week later and I have not picked them up since. My life fell apart. To me, golf has been the most daunting game I've ever played. It's you against the course. You can't blame anything on anybody but yourself if you fuck up. But if you come into #18 with $80 riding on your next shot and your competitor has carried the water and put his shot on the green 40 feet from the hole, you CAN'T lay up. You also realize that if you fuck this shot up, it's all over but the crying. That's when golf really becomes golf. You KNOW that you can hit that shot, because you've done it before, and you just have to believe. So, you do it. When it comes off the club, you know. Before you look up to see the ball you're already saying, "Be the right stick, baby!" It felt crisp when you hit it and it was just right. You watch that sucker headed for the green and say "Get UP, you sonofabitch! Be the right stick!" When the ball clears the water by five feet, bounces on the rim of the green and rolls up right in front of the pin, you feel almost as if you just had an orgasm. I DID IT!!! People who don't play golf don't understand that feeling. People who don't play poker don't understand that feeling. It ain't like watching grass grow. It's hanging your ass out there with nobody but yourself to depend on. When you do it right, it is BETTER THAN SEX! Especially when you sink the putt and get called a Lucky Sumbitch by the guy who has to slap leather and pay you $80 because you did what you had to exactly WHEN you needed to. Golf is a sublime game. It will check your character. Especially when you gamble on it.
Comments
Better than sex? I'm still skeptical. Posted by: margi on June 30, 2003 07:03 PMAAHHH! That feeling! Yes! And when you're playing FOR sex well, then you both win. Posted by: Don on June 30, 2003 07:53 PMJust make sure you get your tee shot past the red markers. Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on June 30, 2003 09:34 PMOK, I'm golfing again after a six-year layoff, and I know what you're saying. But, sex and orgasms ??? 40 guys strung on a single straight line, eyeing the first turn 80 yards away. And if you survive the first turn, you've got 30 minutes of god-awful jumps and turns and ruts and often mud AND sand. If you get out front it feels like 39 hounds of hell are on your ass. ONE person WINS and 39 are LOSERS. I didn't win often. But winning was better than average sex. Better than good sex. NOT as good as the best sex I've ever had. But DAMN close. I also had a signifcant 23 year long relationship with my orthopedic surgeon. If golf is better than sex, then I am definitely not missing out on much. Posted by: sugarmama on July 1, 2003 10:36 AMWhen having sex, if you get your ball in the hole, you're doing it wrong. Posted by: McGehee on July 1, 2003 07:18 PMAcid, For a real gut-check, try playing "One For One"... Basically, it's $1 per yard. You lose the hole, and it's a 340-yd hole, you're down $340. Most courses are just over 6,500 yards long. I only ever played it once (as a STUDENT), and I ended up owing something like $54 (or maybe $74). Even THAT nearly killed me. I went home and drank the coldest beer ever drunk. Posted by: Kim du Toit on July 2, 2003 08:39 PMIt does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop. Posted by: Still Doug on December 10, 2003 05:03 PMThose whose paths are not the same do not consult one another. Posted by: Moore Tania Williamson on December 20, 2003 09:04 PMHi...I´m just surfed in and want to say hello!
Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are `It might have been. Posted by: kim bo ram on January 9, 2004 02:48 PMThe Tao's principle is spontaneity. Posted by: Transue Tom on March 17, 2004 06:27 AMCool article!!! Posted by: dzwonki polifoniczne on April 1, 2004 11:57 PMCool article!!! mężczyznami dziewczyny układanki dzwonki dzwonki polifoniczne nokia Posted by: polifoniczne dzwonki motorola on April 4, 2004 04:18 PM Cool article!!! Posted by: polifoniczne dzwonki on April 12, 2004 11:09 PMCool article!!! Posted by: agencja nieruchomosci, agęcja nieruchomości on April 15, 2004 07:32 AMThe way to love anything is to realize it might be lost. Posted by: Green Matthew on April 28, 2004 11:27 AMPost a comment
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