Gut Rumbles

May 15, 2003

why dogs are better than women

Dogs Don't cry.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo or hairbrush.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you're running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
Dogs are excited by rough play.
Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
Anyone can get a good looking dog.
If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
A dog's parents never visit.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
Dogs like beer.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
Dogs don't have to spend holidays and vacations with their parents.
Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
Dogs don't need 900 pairs of shoes.
Dogs never expect gifts.
Dogs never worry about germs.
Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've had.
Dogs don't let magazine articles run their lives.
You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
Dogs have no use for flowers, jewelry or cards.
Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
Dogs seldom outlive you.
Dogs can't talk back.
When you're traveling, dogs don't need restrooms.
Dogs don't criticize.
Dogs listen without interrupting. Dogs don't mind if the house isn't painted, the lawn mowed, or car washed.

(stolen from no watermelons, where he has a lot more like that one.)


"Dogs don't need 900 pairs of shoes." Good. More for us.

Posted by: Jane on May 15, 2003 03:25 PM

They also like the fact that we leave the seat up.

Posted by: Laurence Simon on May 15, 2003 03:26 PM

A dog also won't mind if you tell your friends she's a bitch.

Posted by: McGehee on May 15, 2003 04:36 PM

I'd still rather get naked with a woman.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on May 15, 2003 09:13 PM

Well you may have a point there. Hmmm......
(But I still like cats better.)

Posted by: DogsDon'tPurr on May 16, 2003 12:41 AM

It wasn't long after I got married that I realized I should have gotten a dog for companionship and a vibrator collection for sex. Much better deal than a husband who wouldn't work and spent all my money on pot.

Posted by: shell on May 16, 2003 05:59 AM

I have a cat who likes beer....

Posted by: Sgt. Mom on May 16, 2003 03:59 PM

You realize that with a few exceptions, you can replace "Dog" with just about anything and it still works.

Hamburgers have no use for flowers, jewelry or cards.
Lampshades don't hate their bodies.
Leather elbow patches on a tweed coat don't expect you to call when you're running late.

The moral? Almost anything is better than women?

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