Gut Rumbles

October 07, 2009

Why not?

Originally published August 17, 2004

A woman I lust after asked these questions.

Here's what my inquiring mind would like to know:

1. What's the most expensive thing you've ever stolen?

I once stole a $20 alligator belt from a men's clothing store when I was 16 years old. I've been ashamed of doing that for the rest of my life. I don't steal.

2. Have you ever run from the police?

NOT MEEEE!!!! I never got caught and I DIDN'T RUN. I slipped away a few times, but that's not the question you asked.

3. Have you ever gone to church hung over?

Got-dam! What HAVEN'T I done in life with a hangover?

4. What is the most embarrassing thing you can admit to having done?

I've got a gadzillion of those stories. I've shit my pants, I've wet the bed, I've ripped the seat out of my pants while I was on stage one night and I've been thrown out of a low-class bar for being too low-class. NOTHING embarasses me anymore.

5. And the one you can't admit to?

It's not that I CAN'T admit it. It's just that I WON'T, except to very special people who will keep their mouths shut about it. I don't regret what I did, but the truth would hurt some feelings that don't need that kind of punishment. Key, you probably know what I mean because you and I talked about this very subject. I see no reason to be unkind to people who bear me no grudges and have never given me any grudge against them. I try my best not to hurt other people. But I've done some things in my life that I would rather not advertise.

Just leave that stuff alone. Given the same situation, I'd do the same thing again. But I don't go courting that same situation. I run a pretty wide-open blog. I talk a lot about myself, my life and my feelings.

But some secrets I have will go to the grave with me.

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