Gut Rumbles

February 06, 2009

My new neighbor

Originally published February 6, 2004

His name is Larry and he's a nice guy. He dropped by about 1:00 yesterday to see if I had a cold beer to drink. I gave him one. I was walking around in a bathrobe and Larry noticed something right away.

"Got-Dam!" he said. "You've had hard-on since I walked in the door. Do I excite you, or are you just blessed?"

"I have a bionic dick," I explained. "It's a man-made piece of modern medical miracle. But the implants aren't soft enough for the thing to go completely down yet, so I wear a semi-boner all the time."

"Shit. I can't even grow a semi-boner and you can't get rid of yours. Life just sucks."

I don't want to get rid of mine. But life does suck.

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