Gut Rumbles

January 02, 2009

Why I don't like cats

Originally published January 22, 2004

1) They have the loyalty of sewer rats They don't want you. They want what they can TAKE from you.

2) Buy a cat a really nice scratching post

3). The cat will take one look at the post and go claw your sofa to shreds.

4) Give a cat a litter box. The males will spray some of the most raw, foul, gut-busting, stinking vat funk you can imagine all over the house. The femles climb up and shit in the potted plants.

5) Cats kill birds for no good reason. Just to be killing.

6) Cats crawl up on your chest at night and try to suck the soul right out out of your body while you sleep. Goddam vampires.

And that's why I hate cats.

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