Gut Rumbles

December 14, 2008

Damned good question

Originally published December 14, 2005

Does anybody really like this shit enough to pay $2,399 a pound for it? Some people must, or the crap wouldn't be for sale.

Of course, those people probably are overweight, cat-loving alcoholics with more money than good sense. For $2,399 dollars they could buy a few nice guns or good guitars instead of a stinking pile of fish eggs.

I have eaten caviar twice in my life. The first time, I was still in college, and when I spit that vile-tasting abomination (along with the cracker it rode in on) from my mouth, I attributed my reaction to a lack of sophistication. I was a pinto beans and cornbread kinda guy. My Southern palate was not prepared for such an exquisite treat.

The second time was just a few years ago. My Sophistication Quotient had risen dramatically over the years, so I figured that THIS TIME, I would appreciate what I could NOT appreciate before.

I was mistaken. The stuff still tasted like tiny balls of shit dipped in cod liver oil to me. I did manage to swallow that time, and I burped a disgusting afterburn for hours. I decided right then that I wouldn't feed caviar to a got-dam mangey dog; a cat, maybe. But not a dog.

Piss on caviar. I prefer boiled peanuts.

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