Gut Rumbles

November 14, 2008

odd food

Originally PUBLISHED October 21, 2004

I am an adventurous guy. I'll try almost ANYTHING once, and if I like it, I'll do it again. One thing I'm always willing to do do is try new food, no matter how disgusting it may look or smell. I have eaten:

*Rattlesnake. Didn't like it. Too bony and it tasted like rotten fish.

*Armadillo. That wasn't bad. Tasted a lot like pork.

*Possum. I was drunk when I did that. I don't remember what it tasted like, but I ate it.

*Racoon. If you see one of those critters barbecued, it resembles a giant rat. I had to close my eyes before I could eat that shit, but I did. It really wasn't bad, especially with all the seasoning on it. I went back for a second helping.

*Alligator. A gator-tail steak is delicious when cooked properly. It's beautiful white meat that tastes like a strange combination of fish and chicken. I highly recommend that you try it if you ever get the chance.

*Duck. I agree with Catfish. Too dark and too greasy for my taste. I like shooting them better than eating them.

*Quail. That's a damn good-tasting bird, but there ain't much to 'em. I've never eaten anything other than the breast-meat, and even that is about the size of your two thumbs pressed together, even for a good-sized quail. Cleaning those fuckers is more work than it's worth.

*Squirrel. In a pot of dumplings, that tree-rat tastes pretty good. My grandfather liked the brains with his scrambled eggs. I never got a chance to try that delicacy because he always hogged them all. But I REALLY like shooting those things.

*Turtle. Fried, it sucks. But in a stew or soup, it is delicious.

*Goat. Tastes like beef. Those may be nasty-assed, horny critters, but they taste good. I just don't know if I could kill and butcher one today. I became too attached to my goats on the mini-farm. They had personalities.

*Rabbit. Tastes a lot like squirrel. Rabbit is better with dumplings or in a stew than it is straight-up, although I'll eat it either way.

*Frog. Frog legs are delicious. I LOVE 'em. Tastes like chicken, only the meat is more tender.

*Snails. Yeah, I know it's a French thing, but those rascals taste just like a beef steak. I can eat 'em 'till I pop when they are served with butter and garlic.

*Shark. If you cut out a good steak away from the asshole, a shark's tail makes excellent fodder for the grill. That's a nice chunk of fish meat, but I recommend marinating it overnight before you cook it. Fresh shark sometimes tastes gamey.

*Conch. Put it in a chowder or soup, and cut it up into small pieces. Trying to eat a chunk of conch meat is like chewing on a rubber ball. The more you chew, the bigger it gets. It's good, but you've got to tenderize it before you can eat it.

It's almost time for lunch. I wish you a hearty appetite.

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