Gut Rumbles

October 01, 2008

Anal sex

Originally published September 29, 2004

I'm going yoo-hooing off the cliff into deep waters here, and I probably will horrify a few readers, but that never stopped me before and it's not gonna stop me now. I want to say some plain and simple: I have known a few wimmen who really enjoyed anal sex. They had multiple orgasms doing it.

I liked it too, because it was different and kinky, but I never understood it from HER... ummm... point of view?... point of impact... the eroticism of it for HER? I don't know. My brain gets full quickly when I think about these kinds of subjects.

I've had prostate cancer and I've had more fingers, tools and weapons of mass destruction shoved up my ass than I can remember. I DON'T WANT to remember any of it. I didn't find one bit of that stuff erotic. In fact, I HATED every bit of it, and I'm not certain that my pucker-string will EVER be right again. They ruined me. I fear a fart now. It might come with a lump in it.

That biopsy device the doctor uses to take tissue samples looks a lot like a Big Bertha Calloway driver, with the extra-large head. He is kind enough to lube your poop-chute with a generous supply of K-Y Jelly, but that doesn't really help when he shoves that thing up your ass and starts firing it like a shotgun. I almost bit one of my fingers off when I had that done to me. It WAS NOT a pleasant experience.

I am confused. Homosexual men do the same kind of thing for PLEASURE? Sorry, guys. I don't get it. I don't WANT to get it that way. I've HAD IT that way and I didn't like it.

Oh, well... to each his own. And if you're a woman who likes it that way, I'll do you if you want me to. Whatever is your pleasure is my gift.

Just don't buckle up a strap-on and try to return the favor. I've had enough of that.

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