Gut Rumbles

September 28, 2008

I have a black eye

Originally PUBLISHED February 21,2005

Last night, I needed to take a piss. I have no idea what time it was, because I keep only one functioning clock in my house anymore, and it is nowhere around my bedroom. I knew that I could make it from the bed to the bathroom without turning on a light. I've done it successfully hundreds of times.

This time, however, I was unsuccessful. I got my feet tangled in a pile of dirty clothes that I had forgotten about leaving on the floor. I SWEAR that those clothes reached up and grabbed me like a set of octopus tentacles. I was tied up, tripped and falling. I knew that I was close to a bedpost on the bed, so I flailed for it as I was on my way down.

I missed grabbing the bedpost, but it didn't miss me. I head-butted that sumbitch and it caught me right above my left eye, right where the brow attaches to the skull-bone. The sound reminded me of someone cracking a ripe coconut, I saw stars inside my head and I hit the floor in a tangled heap. It hurt like hell and I felt something wet running down my face.

I crawled to the bathroom and turned on the light. Sweet Bejus! I had one hell of a cut on my left eyebrow. I ran some cold water on a rag and applied a compress until I could get the bleeding to stop, then I examined my injury. Hmmm. That cut could probably use a few stitches. It wasn't pretty.

But I have butterfly bandages in my first aid kit, so I pressed the skin back together I applied one of those. It looked okay to me at the time and I wasn't bleeding anymore. I took a piss and went back to bed.

That eye doesn't look so good today. I don't have a lot of swelling, but I am a rainbow of red, purple, black and yellow colors. I look as if I lost a one-punch bar fight. Well, I DID, because some bastard hit me with a bed post when I wasn't looking. When I was visiting Catfish today, Nancy noticed and said, "My God, Rob! What happened to your eye?"

I told her the truth. I was mugged by my own furniture.


You know, it's been over two years, and I still miss Rob.

God Bless you, you old bastard. Rest in peace.

Posted by: Dz on October 9, 2008 12:18 AM
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