August 18, 2008
Originally published March 3, 2005
During my second freshman year of college I discovered the solution to global warming, but nobody would listen to me. Most people think that most of our oxygen comes from trees. But with two-thirds of the Earth's surface covered with water, it actually comes from oceans full of plant plankton, who dutifully convert CO2 to oxygen through photosynthesis. The biggest harm to plant plankton is not global warming, since a spike in CO2 would just mean that plant life thrives. Instead, plant plankton's biggest predator is whales. Whales scoop up plankton by the truckload. It would seem obvious then, that the solution is to protect plant plankton by slaughtering whales. With an absence of predators, plant plankton will overpopulate and drastically cut CO2 levels.
I read that and laughed out loud. You can't argue with the logic if you REALLY want to be enviromentally sensitive. Of course, the writer is just a sick fuck in my book.
EVERYBODY KNOWS that oxygen comes from whales. Dumbshit.
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