Gut Rumbles

July 28, 2008

I am not making this up

Originally published June 15, 2004

I didn't come to Key West to get drunk, get stoned or get laid. I came only for a change of scenery and to swim through the hot, humid air down here. So much for plans.

I've always said that if you can't get laid in Key West, you can't get laid anywhere in America. I got laid, just minding my own business.

Yesterday, I came here to the Internet cafe and checked my mail, threw up a quick post and started to leave. The cashier said, "That'll be $3.00 for the internet and $3.00 more for the fruit punch." I explained that I didn't order any fruit punch. She said "That lady out there ordered it and said to put it on your tab." The lady in question was sitting on a picnic bench outside and reading a local newspaper.

I paid the tab and walked outside. I sat down next to her on the bench. "How was the fruit punch?" I asked.

"It was good. Thank you very much."

"What would you have done if I refused to pay for it?" I asked.

"I would have kept putting it on someone else's tab until somebody coughed up three bucks." I thought that her approach was audacious. I ADMIRE audacity. She was a redhead with a very attractive line of freckles running across her nose. In fact, she was a good-looking woman altogether.

I offered to take her down the street and buy something more substantial than fruit punch, but she refused. "I have to work starting at 1:00 down at Rick's Bar. Why don't you come see me there?"

I did. The rest is history.

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