Gut Rumbles

May 11, 2008


Originally PUBLISHED March 8, 2006

I got my travel bag back from Delta today with nothing missing--- not even the pound of marijuana, ounce of cocaine, two assault rifles and THREE hand grenades I smuggled back from Costa Rica. I guess that my clever ploy of disguising those things as a pile of dirty laundry fooled both the Customs Inspectors and Airport Security.
The Delta guy told me that my bag landed in Savannah on the same flight I rode in on, but I didn't even look for it that night. I was dog-assed tired, my belly hurt and I just wanted to go home after being on airplanes all fricking day.
I started to ask why the bag never appeared on Carousel #9 in Atlanta when I searched for it THERE, but I didn't really care. That mixup probably saved me another nit-search at Customs, which I usually get because of that stupid Domestic Violence order the BC took out on me a year and a half ago. Since then, inspectors have thoroughly rifled my belongings, had me empty my pockets, patted me down, run hand-held snooper devices from head to toe and done everything except subject me to an anal probe after my last few trips outside the USA.
Anyway, I got my bag back. See? I TOLD you that your luggage never gets LOST anymore. It simply takes a different route.
End of story.

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