Gut Rumbles

April 11, 2008

I am opening up

Originally published May 22, 2003

Since I already admitted to the day I shit my pants on the golf course, I'm going to really open up now. You know, I feel a real sense of release, since I keep so many of my real feelings bottled up on this blog. I think that I'm going to let it all hang out now, which I normally never do.

1) I DON'T LIKE BLACK PEOPLE!!! I am a Southern White Man, so I must be a racist. I'll just go ahead and admit it, right here and now.

2) I DON'T LIKE CATS!!! They remind me of why I don't like Black people. It's just something about the way cats walk around with their tails in the air so that they show you their assholes all the time. Al Sharpton does the same thing.

3) I DON'T LIKE WOMEN!!! They remind me of cats, and cats remind me of Black people, and Black people remind me about what a racist I am. I hate them all.

4) I DON'T LIKE SHITTING MY PANTS!!! I did that once as an adult and I didn't like it. Quinton did it all the time when he was a baby, but he had someone else to clean his nasty ass for him. When he comes to my home now, I tell him: "Shit your pants, you live with it. I ain't cleaning it up." He doesn't shit his pants anymore. He trashes his bedroom instead.

5) I DON'T LIKE MONKEYS!!! They fling feces, which reminds me of shitting my pants, which makes me think of cats and makes me hate women and think about Black people, especially Al Sharpton. I feel a lot of hate when that happens.

6) I HATE PEOPLE WITH MONKEYS ON THEIR BLOGS!!! You just shouldn't do that. It makes me think of cats, and you know where I go from there.

Okay, I believe I have opened up enough for one night.

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