Gut Rumbles

March 26, 2008


Originally published July 27, 2003

I have this theory that movies such as The Towering Inferno, The Poseidon Adventure and Airport were instrumental in the growth of the scare-you-to-death environmental movement of today. Mankind was living on the verge of DISASTER!!! DEATH AND DESTRUCTION LOOM!! It was BOUND to happen any day.

Well, it didn't for 30 years until the WTC attack, so the nutballs and barking moonbats created THREATS of disaster to fill in that lenghty gap. Global Warming. (That was right after the New Ice Age fell out of vogue.) Lead-based paint. Asbestos. Brain cancer from cell phone towers. Poison in the water. Poison in the air. Poison EVERYWHERE!!!

People lived longer and healthier lives all during this time, but that didn't mean a goddam thing. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! became a rallying cry for the scare-mongering, money-grubbing interest groups out there dedicated to scaring the shit out of the ignorant, and they were amazingly successful.

We banned smoking. We enforced the Clean Water Act. We banned perfectly safe insecticides. We passed gas mileage standards for cars. We went firing off environmental regulations like projectile vomit and made heroes out of scumbags such as Henry Waxman and Jim Jeffords. What was the end result?


It's worse now than it ever was. Now, OBESITY is going to kill us! Potato chips are going to kill us. Playground equipment is going to kill us. BUGS are going to kill us now that we banned perfectly safe insecticides.

We are too rich and too comfortable today. If we were still grubbing for roots and berries, seeing a 50% death rate among newborns and dying before we were 40, the way people did in the "good old days" environmentalists harken back to, we wouldn't have the spare time to worry so much and INVENT crap to scare us to death.

We would be too busy just trying to stay alive.

I believe that I should be allowed to club environmentalists they way some people club baby seals. Environmentalists don't make the world a better place. They fuck it up. They would rather see a snail-darter live than a human child. They have twisted priorities and I hate every one of them. The bastards enjoy all the benefits civilization gave them and use those benefits to attempt to TEAR DOWN civilization. Talk about bipolar.


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