Gut Rumbles

January 07, 2008

Emotional needs

Originally published December 2, 2003

After years of study on this subject, I have come to a conclusion: Wimmen are fucked-up creatures.

Men are simple. Give us food, sex, liquor and a remote control for the television and we're just as happy as a dead pig in sunshine. We don't ask for much in life.

Wimmen, however, have "emotional needs."

Those "emotional needs" confuse men because we don't understand them. In fact, when a woman starts talking about her "emotional needs," that's when her husband ends up in the woods shooting guns with his buddies.

"Whatcha want to shoot today, Rob?"

"I don't care. Anything. I had to get out of the house. My woman talked about "emotional needs" this morning."


"Yeah. I can't handle that crap. What the hell do wimmen want? I mean, I married her, I provided for her and I make love to her every chance I get. I cook supper every evening. I sired a son with her. I worked my ass off making the mini-farm a good home. Still, I evidently don't satisfy her "emotional needs."

"You want to shoot the shotguns or the rifles?"

"Let's start with the shotguns. I want to make some noise. Plus, I have an emotional need to blow the shit out of that target over there."

Men are from Mars and wimmen are from Venus. That's because the "emotially needy" bitches hired lawyers and kicked all the men off Venus.

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