Gut Rumbles

January 06, 2008


Originally published November 30, 2003

I saw my son tonight. He and Jack came back from Blood Mountain this evening and couldn't wait to tell me about their adventures. They SAW SNOW while they were there! They picked ICICLES off the rocks! It was COLD! Jack fell in the creek! They built a dam with logs and rocks and then they BOTH fell in the creek!

I believe that they both had a good time. They petted on my shit-ass dog and asked me why she was in trouble. I told them and showed them what she did yesterday. They were really impressed with the peanut butter jar theft.

"How did THAT DOG drag the jar of peanut butter THAT FAR and almost chew the lid off?" Quinton wondered. Hell, I wonder, too, but the dog damn sure did it. Oddball remains in shit-city until she understands the error of her ways. We're going to Wal-Mart tomorrow to buy her a cage. I won't have her doing that kind of crap in my house. I WILL teach that dog to behave.

Quinton ran off, then came back 30 seconds later. "Mama wants to know if she can see your dog."

I said, "Sure. Tell her to come on in."

She did. I felt badly because the house is a mess and I haven't taken a shower or shaved today. I didn't expect visitors. Both myself and the house look like Fido's ass. But there I was, with my ex-wife petting my new dog and two boys who love me enjoying the scene. I wasn't going to fuck up that kind of moment.

"She's screwed up right now, but I believe that she has possibilities." I said. "That's Oddball."

"Awww... she's such a sweet dog," Jennifer replied.

"You not the one cleaning up behind her," I said.

I gazed at Jennifer with the strangest feeling falling over me, like a dark cloak hitting my shoulders. I realized all of a sudden that I have no idea who she really is. I DON'T. I am not certain that she does, either.

The plant installed a "fitness center" in the old R&D lab, after they fired everybody who once worked there, and Jennifer has been excercising. Her efforts show. She's looking more and more like a fucking linebacker every time I see her. She's always been big-boned, with the body of a majorette, cursed with big thighs, thick ankles and broad shoulders.

Let her hit some weights for a while. GOT-DAMN! That woman is looking more masculine every time we meet. Her face remains beautiful, but what in the fuck is she trying to do to the rest of her body? Grow a set of nuts and a goddam beard? Hell... maybe so.

I am finished with trying to figure her out.

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