Gut Rumbles

August 19, 2007

I ain't sayin' a word

Originally published may 22, 2002

I came home from work today, checked my mailbox and discovered an envelope containing something from the Internal Revenue Service. I felt it and knew immediately that it wasn't my refund check, because it was too thick. It was a LETTER! I immediately flew into a black rage. Those greedy vultures were not satisfied with all the meat they already pecked from my skinny ass. Oh, no. They wanted MORE! I knew they were going to keep my refund and tell me I owed THEM money instead.

I went inside, sat on the couch and opened the envelope with trembling fingers. By God, I thought, there had better be a fooking phone number in here to call when I find out how bad they're screwing me! I will not sit still for this kind of harassment from a government that wastes my money the way this one does. I'll call Jack Kingston, my representative in Congress. I'll call Zell Miller, MY FAVORITE SENATOR! Hell, I'll call GEORGE W. BUSH HIS OWN SELF if they really piss me off!

Then, I read that I overstated my taxable income by $1,000 on my return, and by IRS calculations, I was due an extra $275 dollars on my refund check. If I disagreed with their figures, I could call a Customer Service number to bitch about it. If I agreed, I was told (in italics) do not contact us.

Well, shut my mouth.

As I have stated repeatedly on this blog, I am an English Major and I DON'T DO MATH. Obviously, I don't do it well, if I was about to screw myself out of $275 on my tax return. I believe I'll opt for the do not contact us option in this deal, and check the batteries in my solar-powered calculator.

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