Gut Rumbles

June 08, 2007

Showing my age

Originally published December 6, 2004

I don't watch much television anymore, but I watched a lot when I was younger. Here is a list of my all-time favorite television shows:

1) Best Western-- "Gunsmoke," without a doubt. Good writing, good acting and unforgetable characters. Matt Dillon will ALWAYS be a Tall Dog in my mind.

2) Best Comedy-- "All in the Family." This choice was tough, but that show was a trailblazer and it changed the face of television while being absolutely hilarious at the same time. But even back then I knew that I would rather live next door to Archie and Edith than The Meathead and screechy Gloria.

3) Best Drama-- "The Fugitive." I LOVED that show. I can still quote the opening: "The man... Richard Kimble. Destination... Death Row, State Prison... the irony... Richard Kimble is innocent." Just damn!

4) Best Science Fiction-- "Star Trek." That was the first science fiction show that didn't feature bug-eyed monsters and ridiculous scenarios as a staple for every plot. It was legitimate SCIENCE fiction. Remember communicators, tricorders and that neat medical table that ran a full body-scan? We have every one of those things now.

5) Best Mystery-- "Perry Mason." Perry never lost a case and the trial ALWAYS ended up with the TRUE guilty person spilling their guts in court, but I enjoyed the show and I had the hots for Della Reese.

6) Best Police Show-- "Dragnet." Say what you will, but that rapid-fire dialogue, the EXCELLENT stone-faced acting and the documentary style made that show great. Just the facts, ma'am.

7) Best Kid's Show-- "Captain Kangaroo." Fuck Mr. Rogers, Barney, the Telletubbies or any of that other pap kids get fed via the tube today. The only other show that ever came close to The Captain was "Pee-Wee's Playhouse," and Paul Rubens screwed that up by getting caught with his personal "pee-wee" in his hand in a porno theater. I thought that was a shame.

8) Best Cartoon-- "The Road Runner." Wile E. Coyote still remains my favorite cartoon character of all time. I never understood why he could afford all his expensive bird-catching hardware from the Acme Company, yet never placed an order with some freeze-dried, ready-to-eat, boneless Road Runner outlet. He could have saved a lot of money and gained weight if he only shopped better. (Honorable mention goes to Bugs Bunny, who remains the quintessential American--- smart-mouthed, cocky and always a winner.)

9) Best Variety Show-- "The Smothers Brothers." If you don't know why I picked that one, I would be wasting my time trying to explain. Maybe you had to be a teenager in the late 60s to understand.

10) Best Show Ever-- "The Twilight Zone." I still watch the reruns every chance I get, although I think I've seen every episode ever made at least a dozen times. Many other shows later tried to copy the format, but they never managed to pull off the trick. Best damn writing of any show EVER.

Hmmm... I don't think I picked a single show that's not a golden oldie. I'm not surprised, because that's how I think of myself today.

I am a golden oldie.

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