May 10, 2007
Too good not to steal
Originally published April 8, 2005
I gotta thank George Schneider for this email:
Listed below are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Contest,
10. "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."
9. "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
8. "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
7. "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept
6. "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism,
5. "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4. "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then, penguins
3. "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the
2. "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."
AND THE WINNER IS.....
1. "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!"
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