Gut Rumbles

March 16, 2007

It starts tomorrow

Originally published March 15, 2005

Savannah's annual St. Patrick's Day orgy starts tomorrow. Yeah, I know that the actual St. Patrick's Day isn't until the 17th, but that miniscule detail won't stop the party, and it will continue until the bars close next Sunday night. If you've never seen St. Patrick's Day, in Savannah, you have not lived a complete life. "Orgy" is the right word to use.

If you wish to LIVE a complete, life, however, I suggest that you stay the hell away. It can become very, very crazy.

The parade is really nice, but the serious stuff starts after the parade. Just imagine almost ONE MILLION PEOPLE crammed into Savannah, with most of them drunker than a barn owl, with azealias and dogwoods in full bloom everywhere, people drinking green beer and pretty wimmen crammed into the streets like sardines in a can.

I intend to keep my Cracker ass in Effingham County for the next five days or so. I know very few people who grew up in Savannah who DON'T have a few St. Patrick's Day adventure stories to tell. I have some good ones, which I might share over the next few days.

I have been maced. I have been thrown into a paddy wagon and then immediately released because I was taking up valuable room the police needed for somebody else. I have gotten laid with a complete stranger. I have seen a dead body bleeding on the Abercorn ramp to River Street. (He fell from one of those walk-over bridges above the ramp.) I once pissed in an alley while standing next to Hizzoner the Mayor, John Rosakis, who ALSO was pissing in the alley at the time.

I've probably seen 1,000 titties from back in the days when wimmen would flash their boobs for a handful of beads or a tee shirt. I've gotten so drunk that I don't remember how I found my way home. I once made almost $300 in tips for playing a two-hour matinee gig in a River Street bar after the parade. I also TENDED bar down there once and I know FOR SURE that the owner sold 35 kegs of beer that day, because I helped haul the full ones and replace the empties.

Savannah is a fairly conservative town. But once every year, this "beautiful lady with a dirty face" kicks up her heels, throws away her panties and runs wild. That crap starts tomorrow.

I once loved being a part of it. Now, I want to stay far, far away. I'm too old for that shit anymore and I damn sure ain't driving from Effingham County and back hoping to dodge the cops when I have a belly full of green beer.

Have YOU ever been to Savannah on St. Patrick's Day?

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