Gut Rumbles

March 14, 2007

Scary stuff

Originally published April 24, 2003

I started reading one of those Stephen King wanna-be novels today. It's called The House, by Bentley Little. The book isn't bad, so far, but I'll be damned if I would go through life with a name like "Bentley Little." People send me hate mail and call my DICK by that name.

I've collected a few names to use if I ever get off my lazy Cracker ass and try to sell what I write. Trust, me... Bentley Little isn't one of my pseudonyms.

I like "Jack Packett." If I were going to write a Mickey Spillane-type novel, with a tough-guy private eye as a main character, that's the name I would use. "Rob Smith" just plain sucks as a writer's name.

I also favor "John Graystone" if I ever decide to write a spook-book like the one I'm reading now.

I thought about writing a romance novel, too. I want it to be written by "Janice J. Wheeler." I like the sound of Js. I use J-words a lot when I write songs.

I also like "Ben Hardon" and "Lance Sheffield." Those names are good for ANY kind of book. So is "Max Staffman."

Yeah, I know that I'm putting a lot of phallic undercurrents into my pseudonyms. But, HEY!!! Sex sells!!!

Besides, I can show you 28 Robert Smiths in the local phone book. They are a dime a dozen, not just around here, but EVERYWHERE. You'll never sell ANYTHING writing under that name. Hell, I don't even post under it on this blog.

I prefer to be "Acidman."

Update: At least I didn't suggest Haywood Jablome as a pesudonym.

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