Gut Rumbles

February 01, 2007

Everybody is PETA now

Originally published April 30, 2003

I live where alligators proliferate. The goddam reptilian throwbacks to the days when dinosaurs ruled the earth are EVERYWHERE around here. Every pond on every golf course has at least ONE alligator in it, and if you walk up to the edge looking for an off-line Titleist, you just might shit your golf pants when an angry mama gator charges out of the water with malice aforethought because she has babies in the water where your golf ball disappeared.

I have no love for those creatures.

That's why I have a difficult time understanding the whining done by people in this story. What, exactly, did they EXPECT one man to do when apprehending a renegade nine-foot gator in a residential neighborhood?

Residents told News2Houston that they called authorities after discovering the gator Thursday in the middle of a road in the 22000 block of Lodgestone Court in a Cinco Ranch neighborhood in Katy.

Witnesses recorded the gator's capture on videotape, in which the game warden was seen tying the animal to the back of his pickup, and then dragging it down the street while children and parents watched.

"It was very inhumane," resident Lara Mercadante said. "It was awful. It was absolutely unreal. If you weren't here you would not believe that it happened. We never thought that it was going to end up the way it did."

Lara, I have another scenario for you. Suppose the gator-catcher never showed up and the reptile ATE YOUR CHILD? Would THAT be more "humane?" The only thing a gator likes to eat more than a dog or a racoon is a small child. Bejus!

Had that been MY neighborhood, we never would have called animal control. My neighbors and I would have shot that fucker dead in the street, then had fried alligator tail for supper that night. Plus a few really nice belts and MAYBE a pair of boots. A nine-foot gator has a lot of hide.

The game warden then took the alligator to the end of the street, and shot and killed it, authorities said.

"We at Texas Parks & Wildlife Department were disturbed as many other people were when they saw this video, as many other people were when they saw this video," TPWD Col. Jim Stinebaugh. "We sincerely regret that citizens were upset by seeing this happen."

What were they upset about? The dragging or the shooting? WHAT ELSE did they expect they guy to do? Feed it some raw chicken, pet it on the head and coax it into the passenger seat of the truck so that it could play with the radio while he drove it back to the wild?

"(The game warden) decided that the alligator was too big for him to catch and relocate and would have to be killed," Stinebaugh said. "It seemed appropriate to him that he would have to move the alligator, because it was not possible to shoot the alligator where it was."

However, officials said that as of a result of the incident, they are now reviewing their policies regarding nuisance alligator removal.

Yeah. Next time, THEY JUST WON'T COME!

Good job, bleeding-heart assholes.

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