Gut Rumbles

November 28, 2006


Originally published December 1, 2003

I've known a lot of wimmen in my life and they all shared one common trait. NOT A SINGLE ONE was comfortable with her physical appearance.

I've lain in bed with a woman so beautiful that she made by heart beat like a rabbit's in a field-trap while she told me 100 things she believed was WRONG with the way she looked. I never understood that womanly trait.

Men don't dwell on such things. Being the swine that we are, we're just happy to keep some hair on our heads and remember to wipe our asses after we take a shit. I never look in the mirror and worry about my physical flaws. In my mind, I have none, except for the gray silver hair. And even THAT is not a flaw-- it's just a sign that Father Time is running me down.

I know that society sets standards of beauty higher for wimmen than it does for men. All wimmen are supposed to resemble super-models, yeah, yeah, yeah. I disagree. A goddam super-model will bore you to death reciting 100 things that SHE sees wrong with her body, too.

One of the sexiest things I ever saw was Jennifer washing her car one hot summer day on the mini-farm. She had soap suds on her hands and sweat dripping off her nose. She wore a tank-top and cut-off blue jeans. She was barefoot. I was sitting on the tailgate of my truck while drinking a beer. I became horny.

When she was finished washing the car, I walked over and kissed her. "Let's go upstairs and make love," I suggested.

"I STINK and I'm all sweaty," she replied.

"You've never looked better to me in your life. I'll lick the sweat off you. Just put down the washrag and let's go upstairs. Right now." I grabbed her hand.

"Let me take a shower first and fix my hair. I look like shit."

"That's not what I want. I want you just the way you are."

She allowed me to have my way, but I don't believe that she felt comfortable about it. We had excellent, sweaty sex, but I could tell that she felt less than womanly because she didn't have a chance to shower and perfume first.

Wimmen, let Acidman tell you something. You don't need a perfect body to be beautiful. You don't need to smell like perfume to be sexy. Pure, hot, summer woman-sweat is one of the most powerful aphrodiesiacs I've ever known. Wimmen smell good to me when they sweat.

They taste good, too.

Forget looking into the mirror and counting your flaws, wimmen! Just look into your lover's eyes and let yourself go.

(Ed. note: It has finally occured to me... I can "restore" comments to some of these older posts by linking the post itself, especially when it comes to the "lost" archives that display posts one at a time as opposed to the whole month at once. The only thing is, on some of these posts, the comments just STOP, mid-sentence sometimes. I don't know why, or if it can be fixed, but... meanwhile, any comments are better than none of 'em, right? So, from now on, when I can, I will make a link to the original post and it's comments just like I did this time.)

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