November 18, 2006

Verily I say

Originally published November 9,2004

Wisdom from Jesusland:

*Don't name a pig you plan to eat.

*Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

*Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

*Keep skunks, lawyers and bankers at a distance.

*Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

*A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

*Trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked.

*Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.

*Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

*Meanness don't happen overnight.

*To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses.

*Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal, it just ain't helpful.

*Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

*Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

*Two can live as cheap as one if one don't eat.

*Don't corner something meaner than you are.

*It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

*Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.

*You can't unsay a cruel thing.

*Every path has some puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

*The best sermons are lived, not preached.

*Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

Yeah. We sure are ignorant in Jesusland.