Gut Rumbles

November 17, 2006

Random thoughts

Originally published January 9, 2004

I believe that I have a broken bone in my left foot. I'm trying to walk it off, and I ain't being really successful. The sumbitch hurts. My foot is too swollen to fit into a shoe. I'm going to give it a good soaking later today in hot water and epsom salts and see what happens.

Farm-fresh eggs are NOT pasturized, which is why you need to check the coop every day. Have a hen nut-up and start "setting," and she'll hide the eggs, roost on them, and you may find embryonic chickens in your "fresh" eggs when you drag them out from under her ass. That's just life on the farm.

Goats are fascinating creatures. They stink, they are horny all the time and they shit little pellets just like a rabbit. But they can keep your grass cut, your trees trimmed and they have individual personalities, too. I miss my goats.

Grow your own corn. Watch it come from a seed and grow tall and green. Then, go pick the ripe cobs and count the number of worms you have eating that corn. They make excellent fish bait, but I always wondered how they got into my crop. I always fed the stalks to my goats. They would eat those corn stalks like a yuppie eating sushi.

Teach your son how to skin a catfish.

Learn to kiss well. To me, one of the most sensuous things I enjoy doing with a woman is kissing her neck and nibbling on her ear lobes. I believe that the thrill comes from prehistoric instincts. Men are dogs and wimmen are cats. Men are hunters and wimmen are nurturers. If a woman allows me to kiss her neck, she is showing a form of trust, combined with surrender, that I find highly erotic. Maybe I'm all fucked-up, but I see a lot of symbolism in that act.

Don't trust anyone who offers you something for nothing.

Read every book that you can get your hands on. Don't listen to people who call the book "trash." I've never read a book in my life that I didn't learn something from.

Go for broke. Take a chance every now and then.

Love the one you're with.

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