Gut Rumbles

June 22, 2006

dog on the run

I went outside to check my mailbox today and saw a big, black dog running around as if it were out of its mind. It was dragging about three feet of chain still attached to its collar as it cavorted merrily along, hither and yon, with a pink tongue flapping in the wind, like a big, hairy spastic.

I recognized the dog. It belonged to my next-door neighbors. They weren't home. (Thank Bejus, or else they would have thrust their stinkin,' squallin,' pukin,' screamin' BABY into my hands again.) It dawned on me that even though I've FED that dog before, lots of times, I didn't know its name.

So, I gave it a name of my own creation. I yelled, "Hey, ASSHOLE!! What are YOU doin' runnin' around loose?" The dog came right up to me, all friendly and tail-wagging and just as happy as a brainless bag of hair can be. I petted the critter and said, "Dumbass. You're gonna get killed if you keep this shit up. C'mon. Let's go back where you belong."

I grabbed the chain hanging off the dog's collar and allowed it to lead ME back to its home. It was just as happy as a dead pig in sunshine. If dogs could talk, that one would have said, "Looky here! See what I done? I got LOOSE!!! All by myself!!!"

I found the other end of the chain and attached it to the broken link, just making it hand-tight, because I didn't have any tools with me at the time. I shook my finger in the dog's face and said, "You sit tight. I'll be right back. Don't you run off again, or I'm gonna be really pissed at you." The dog kicked up a dust storm with its wagging tail and hung its tongue sideways out of its mouth.

I ran (okay... it wasn't exactly like running... it was more like hobbling) back to my garage and I fetched a pair of channel-lock pliers. The dog was waiting obediently for me when I got back, so I repaired the broken chain and petted the dumb bastid again.

The dog started licking and slobbering all over my hand.

I can't help it. I am a got-dam sucker for a good dog, so I sat down in the sand and let the dumb bastid lick my face and crawl all over me, while doing that all-adoring, love-you-so-much crap that dogs like to do. Yeah, I love you, too, you dumb bastid, I thought, as I wallowed in all that shameless adoration. It was a beautiful moment--- a real tear-jerking scenario.

At least he didn't start humping my leg.

I wobbled back to my house and grabbed a piece of Kielbasa sausage from my refrigerator that I had left-over from an omelet I cooked yesterday. I walked back to my neighbor's house and fed it to the dog in tiny pieces that it ate from my hand. That made me feel good.
The dog seemed to like it, too.

Know what? I think I like that dumbass dog more than I do that nasty-assed baby they have over there.


Chaining a dog up is cruel. You teach a puppy. My German Shepherds know their yard and stay. Because they were taught that. If you must confine a dog, than use a chain link enclosed run. Hope he's got some shade and fresh water.

Posted by: MM on June 22, 2006 07:04 PM

I think I like that dumbass dog more than I do that nasty-assed baby they have over there.

Yet another thing we have in common... *grin*

Posted by: Stevie on June 22, 2006 08:04 PM

I chain my dog, and it's not cruel, its the law here. It just depends on how you do it. My dog is medium to small, so he has a lite weight tie, and its like thirty to forty feet long, I put two back to back. He is an inside dog, so I put the tie on in the garage and he runs out the door. He can run and explore and do its duty, and when he wants inside he comes to the door and barks. Take the tie off he runs inside. You need a little loving lap dog Acidman, I t would do you good.

Posted by: Galestorm on June 22, 2006 08:09 PM

"Brainless bag of hair."


Posted by: Elisson on June 22, 2006 08:41 PM

Now you need a Cat.

Posted by: Catfish on June 22, 2006 08:54 PM

I've never actually heard of anywhere that requires you to chain a dog, assuming you have him fenced in. Seems kind of like overkill to me.

I love my dogs, and much like Acidman said, there preferable to babies. That's why the tally in our house is DOGS-3 RUGRATS-0

Posted by: DrawingDead on June 22, 2006 09:28 PM

Why in the hell don't people build pens or put up fences if they are going to own dogs?
Yes, chains are cruel...and so is letting your dog run loose if you live any where near a road with cars.

People are f'king clueless.

I agree, I'd rather have dogs than kids around.

Posted by: vicki on June 22, 2006 10:46 PM

Chains or cages... six a one, half dozen of the other, unless you're using a titanium chain, or something.
(Because, really, what is a run besides a large, concrete-floored cage?)

Tell ya what though, with the dickheads that seem to enjoy killing dogs, or cats, or anything else that wanders onto their property these days, a chained dog is better'n a dead dog, no?

Anybody here ever heard of a beagle-murdering asshole named Larry Shrock?
Lives in Columbia City, Indiana?

He was just "featured" in an article on FARK (again with FARK... and some people think I'm obssessed with Rob? *giggle*).

Anyway, he's the latest one to make the news for killing a dog that belonged to one of his neighbors because the BEAGLE was attracted to his rabbit hutches.

(Beagles... rabbits... attracted to... yep, sounds familiar.... duuuh)

At least, that was his first shitty excuse.

I have seroius doubts about the veracity of his story, though, mostly because no beagle I ever saw could hardly even see into a normal, four foot off the ground PROPER rabbit hutch, let alone do any harm, and also because the sick fuck incinerated the dog's body after he shot him.
(Tacit admission of guilt, trying to hide the "evidence"... also kinda twisted, mentally...)

I won't even mention his "not mentioned in the police report" HORSESHIT about the beagle "scaring" his grandkids...
(Second shitty excuse...)

He didn't try that tack til after the owners of the dead beagle, Jake, put up signs along the road they all live on about what he did.
(Lying sack of monkeyshit...)

After the owners of the dog called him on it, other neighbors said he'd killed their dogs, too.
(Repeat offender or blood lust? You decide....)

So, unless you live on an isolated mountain top or REALLY know your neighbors well, I'd say chaining a dog, if ya don't have a fence or a run, is a better alternative than him being killed by some over-zealous NUTJOB.

And, in case yer wondering, my three big dogs all have their own houses, inside a large, fenced pen. And, Tyler, the Jack Russell, is an inside dog. Little shit sleeps in the waterbed, too. Under the covers, head on a pillow most of the time.
Spoiled rotten and way too cute lil booger...

And Rob... you really should consider getting another dog someday. Don't let that one bad experience you had with that other dog (the one who pooped all over the house... da hell was her name?) stop you from maybe finding a new and true-blue best friend.
Not only would you be missing out, so might a really cool, deserving-of-a-good-Dad dog, ya know?

I think you might like a Jack Russell.
They're smart as hell, not very big and VERY entertaining.

Posted by: Stevie on June 22, 2006 11:39 PM

DO NOT get a Jack Russell. They are known as the "soccer hooligans of the dog world".

You and a Jack Russell are too much alike, A-man. I foresee much pain, hair, blood, barking and yelling with you sharing a house with one of those critters.

Posted by: Henry Blowfly on June 23, 2006 01:17 AM

I have a Jack, Henry.

They're are EXCELLENT... very intelligent, loyal, sweet dogs.
Protective, too*.

And, I've never heard them called "soccer hooligans".

I still think Rob would really enjoy a Jack.

(*Very protective, yes. Of you, your home and THEIR vehicle.
I have a Crown Vic, with the full Police Package (Interceptor engine included- *weg*) and on the outside of the passenger-side door (a.k.a. "Tyler's side"), I have, in inch high, red letters "K-9 UNIT".
This car gets looks to begin with, but ya oughta see the looks it gets when people see that, then Tyler... *lmao* Too funny.
Which is a good thing, as it almost makes up for the fact that I can never go even ONE MILE AN HOUR over the stupid speed limit anymore, if there's anybody in front of me.
Swear ta Gawd, one of these days, I'mina shove somebody in a ditch with those pushbars on the bumper...)

Posted by: Stevie on June 23, 2006 01:38 AM

I don't personally like terriers..

I like big doggies. I have two Akitas that were rescue puppies. But if I were going to have a dog under 50lbs or so I would just get a cat.

And my Akitas don't like anybody but me and my kids. And I like it that way. Especially since she chases the mother-in-law back to her car when she comes over. Now THAT is a good dog.

And I don't particularly think chaining a dog, crate training, or having runners is abuse. Having worked with a rescue before, and having seen abused dogs, I think it lessens the meaning of abuse when you classify every little thing as abuse. Once you have seen a dog come in that has both hips broken, all it's teeth missing, an ear CUT off, (not clipped like they do hunting dogs, but litterly ripped off) malnourished, and it's tail broken in 7 places, then you know what animal cruelty is. It isn't caring owners who want to keep their dog from being run over.

Posted by: Steph on June 23, 2006 02:38 AM

I have a Shetland Sheepdog (mini collie) named Bonnie. She looks JUST like Lassie, except smaller, (and unfortunately she doesnt have Lassie's bank account)

A smarter dog would be hard to find. She stays on our property, you couldnt get her to leave ON A BET. When the kids were small she would stand at the end of the driveway and watch them leave....(and she'd be mighty unhappy about it, as the herding instinct in her made her feel as if two of the "flock" were getting away)

But that herding instinct also wouldnt allow her to leave with them. She is always "on guard" of her territory. She is SO good about staying put that people often ask if we have an invisible fence (we dont)

Best dog we ever had. She's a great little watch dog, and she stays on our property...The only time she has to be on a leash is when she goes to the vet.

AND she gets along GREAT with our 8 cats....and when we had rabbits, she would "round them up" when we'd put them out of their hutches to stretch their legs...Great dog.

Posted by: Ruth on June 23, 2006 08:01 AM

Gawd, I wonder where that dog had been lickin' before he licked you in the face????

Posted by: Michele on June 23, 2006 10:59 AM

If you want to see a dog with wanderlust built right in, just get a Siberian Husky.

They are wonderful, gentle, loving dogs. But they are happiest when they are either running or digging a hole in the ground.

I get a kick out of watching ours whenever I pick up the leash. She does what I call the "Snoopy ecstasy dance". 60 pounds of dog jumping up and down off the floor like you see those Jack Russells do all the time. It's funny as hell. She then takes ME for a walk (..or in her case a RUN).

I have an acre of fenced yard for her to run in, but still, she sometimes gets loose. One time, during a spell of really mild weather, she discovered that she could push the screen out of an open window and escape. Another time, she figured out how to work the gate latch - I had to move the latch to the top of the gate to keep her in.

We've had her since she was a puppy and she 's trained good enough that she will sit and stare at a T-bone steak bone until you give her permission to get it. However, keeping her in-the-yard just ain't happening without a fence or a chain.

I highly recomend them as household pets, but you have to understand and live with their limitations. For one, they are not very good watchdogs. They will gladly trade the family valuables for a doggie treat. And if you give them a hamburger, they will even help you load the truck.

The other things are that you must be able to put up with holes in your yard. I swear they can dig a hole big enough to bury a body in in mere minutes.

Their coat is some of the best natural insulation I've ever seen. It works just as well to insulate them from hot weather as it does cold. I live in Kentucky and the hot summer doesn't seem to bother her at all. She will lay on the hot patio concrete in full sun - in July - and go right to sleep. Her fur will actually be hot to the touch and she's just as snug as if it was -20 outside. (And it goes without saying that she LOVES cold weather and snow.) However, she sheds that luxurious coat twice a year, so brushing and combing is a never-ending chore. If you can't put up with the fuzz, don't even think about getting a Siberian or similar breed..

Sorry for rambling so much, but as you can tell, I love that dog. She's ten years old now and starting to run down a bit. I'll really miss her when she's gone.

Posted by: Roy on June 23, 2006 11:14 AM

My Dad always called our pets by his personal nicknames like assholle and shithead. They loved him the best though. Even the cats would run to the door when he came from work to welcome him home.

Posted by: Libby on June 23, 2006 11:22 AM

I have 2 schipperke's; great watchdogs but noisy and very stubborn. I kept a siberian for a week one time until I could get it down to Texas to a new owner; it was the sweet lovingest dog ...

Posted by: maxnnr on June 23, 2006 01:46 PM

Rob, if you start thinkin' of gettin' a dog, I've got one for you to consider. The lady acrossed the street from me passed away 'bout a month ago. I've been takin' care of her German Shepard Alex, AKA Big Al, every day.

Her boy just wants to carry him to the pound and let 'em put Al down. He doesn't deserve that. He's a "mature" dog. Doesn't shit or pee in the house, given the chance to go out from time to time. He won't walk you, he'll let you walk him.

He flunked out of seein' eye dog school. Somethin' about chasin' a rabbit was mentioned to me as the reason for that. Blind people can't have dogs that run off after critters, I understand that reasonin'.

He won't bite the hand that feeds him. He won't stud anybody rushin' up on your either though. He's nipped me in the ass a time or too for gettin' too close too quick to Joyce when she was alive. He's loyal. Very loyal. If you know any german dog commands, he'll understand 'em, but I don't speak german, so, he and I get by with english dog commands.

Anyway, if you're not lookin' that's cool. I just though I'd run it up the flag pole here, and maybe somebody can help me place Big Al.

Posted by: RedNeck on June 23, 2006 02:55 PM

I think I'm going to cry!!!!! Acidman it's time you got a dog - fulltime. May I suggest a Yorkie... They are mean little shits, kind'd like you, hate other dogs with a passion unlike your hatred for your fellow man --- and they won't hump your leg - they will hump your toe....

And you might like that

Posted by: Mark on June 23, 2006 03:11 PM

Very first thought...

Somebody needs to take that woman's SON to the pound, that jerk... wantin' to kill a perfectly good dog... jeez, man. Nice way to honor his Mom... *rolls eyes*

Second, I still vote for a Jack, unless you can take Al....

Posted by: Stevie on June 23, 2006 06:10 PM
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