Gut Rumbles

June 15, 2006

deep thoughts on a shallow subject

I watched cartoons broadened my intellectual horizons today by pondering the socio-psychological significance of certain mythical characters who influenced American culture in strange, subliminal ways that still resonate in our lives today. Here are a few examples:

Popeye. Think about it. The guy is a DRUGGIE!!! He's got a tattoo, but no teeth. He appears to keep his head shaved. He smokes a pipe. (Uh, huh!) He lusts after a walking toothpick (hmmm... crack addict, perhaps?) named Olive Oyl and he's always getting his ass whupped in fights with a bearded bully--- until he EATS A BUNCH OF GREEN LEAVES!!!. Then, he begins to hallucinate, grows muscles that have muscles, blows steam out of his pipe with a noise like a Mississippi riverboat, and kicks the bearded bully all the way to the moon. Strawberry Fields Forever.

Wile E. Coyote. Running capitalist dog. That clever hunter spent a gadzillion dollars ordering exotic crap from the Acme Got-It-All catalogue, REALLY cool stuff, like rocket skates, giant sling-shots or big boxes of dynamite, which always blew up in his face, threw him off a cliff, or dropped a big rock on his head. All to catch a scrawny bird that weighed maybe 4.5 ounces WITH the feathers still attached.

Gimme a break! The show never tells how the coyote became so wealthy. Do ya suppose he just might be "disabled?" A "victim" of ADD? Geting a government check in the mail every month? Or was his daddy a Kennedy and he's living an expensive lifestyle with inherited money?

Face it. Wile E. could have spent a FRACTION of that money he pissed away on Acme gadgets and bought himself a vibrating Barcolounger, a big-screen HDTV and had his meals catered, delivered still steaming, right to his cave. The message here? Beats me.

Porky Pig. Okay. We have a chubby, hairless, pink-skinned, walk-with-a-mince stutterer, who always gets fucked by a duck. The only thing missing from Porky Pig cartoons is the city of San Fransisco as his home. Porky was the boar-father of every gay pride parade ever held.

Bugs Bunny. Gawd, but I love Bugs. It's too bad that his character became politically-incorrect at least 10 years ago. Bugs was bold, brash, fearless, and he could think fast on his big, thumping feet. When things seemed darkest, Bugs would crunch a carrot, ask, "Nhaaa... what's up. Doc?" kick his enemy in the balls and escape while that yaddayaddayadda noise played along with the sound of his running footsteps. Bugs is the very antithesis of the modern, metro-sexual man of today. Bugs doesn't whine. He's not "sensitive." I don't believe he's very "tolerant" of assholes, either. I'm gonna mis him when he's gone.

Tweety-Bird. That's the only critter I've ever seen in my life that makes me root for the cat to kill it. I ain't very fond of Grandma, either.

Elmer Fudd. Bejus! I think everybody in this world either worked with a doofus like Elmer, or had one for an uncle that nobody in the family wanted to be around. The worst thing about cartoon Elmer is the fact that he carried a GUN a lot. Tell ME that's not a subliminal gun-control message! I like guns, but the thought of some idjit like ELMER having one gives me the galloping fantods. Elmer should sell his gun, move to San Fransisco and develop a domestic partnership with Porky Pig.

Yosemite Sam. Heh. What's NOT to like about HIM? Except for the fact that he can't shoot for shit--- otherwise Bugs Bunny woulda been dead years ago. I like Sam's attitude. I also like his moustache. And the fact that he's bow-legged kinda warms the hardened cockles of my crusty Cracker heart. Sam is the sort I wouldn't be surprised to see in Webb's Seed & Feed Store outside Springfield, Jawja some day.

The Tasmanian Devil. Reminds me of ME when I get pissed off. Reminds me even MORE of a divorce lawyer who tornadoed my Cracker ass. In fact, ole Taz reminds me of at least ONE of my ex-wives. I think I LOVE him, but I HATE him, too. The Tazmanian Devil may seem like a savage whirling dervish, but if you really think about it, Taz is a very complex character.

That's as deep as I go for now.


I think it's telling that, except for Popeye, all the cartoon characters you mention were Warner Brothers characters. None of those wimpy Disney 'toons. Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, alla them Disney characters were boring and bland. Give me vintage Bugs Bunny any day.

Tweety, by the way, was a lot more entertaining in his early years. Downright vicious, he was. Check out his first appearance in "A Tale Of Two Kitties" if you don't believe me.

Posted by: Elisson on June 15, 2006 06:04 AM

I agree with Ellisson. Warner Brothers had way better cartoons than Disney. Mel Blanc was great at what he did. Perhaps if they had more cartoons like these versus the crap that they pump out today, the kids wouldn't be as screwed up as they are. TV is a major part in the pussification of the world. Damn hollyweird assmunchers. Later.

Posted by: John on June 15, 2006 07:03 AM

Did ya ever notice that while Porky was an exhibitionist, (he never wore pants)...his girlfriend Petunia always donned a skirt...

Posted by: Ruth on June 15, 2006 07:33 AM

That's the only critter I've ever seen in my life that makes me root for the cat to kill it.

I agree with you mostly, but I really wanted Tom to eat Jerry. Most times, Tom was just hanging out, trying to get some fish bones out of the garbage when that icehole Jerry came along and gave him an anvil enema.

I'm surprised you didn't come down on Daffy Duck, he's really just Howard Dean with a DA.

Posted by: Veeshir on June 15, 2006 08:57 AM

Cartoon blogging, oh how the mighty have fallen. I prefered Foghorn Leghorn myself.

Posted by: james old guy on June 15, 2006 10:18 AM

Fellow curmudgeons: it is over. warner brothers updated the looney tunes characters last fall and put them in some newfangled attitude cartoon. you don't recognize them, they don't have a lassez faire attitude anymore and it's kinda heartbreaking. Loonatics is set in 2772 or some such shit. Buzz Bunny, you know, for the children. since they can't make any money with the goldmine they have by simply running the uncut cartoons. Idjits!

and yes, foghorn is THE man.

Posted by: richard on June 15, 2006 11:01 AM

"Whatcha, I say, whatcha got there boy?"

oh yes, FOGHORN LEGHORN was the man!

Posted by: Ruth on June 15, 2006 12:08 PM

Porky was the boar-father of every gay pride parade ever held.

Mwahahahaha...that's the best line!!!

Posted by: Lisa on June 15, 2006 12:26 PM

Yeah, Foghorn Leghorn rocked. He was my favorite Looney Tunes character. I also loved the Hanna Barberra cartoons. Yogi Bear, Quick Draw McGraw and there was one with a dog with a really hoarse voice that flew airplanes all the time that I forget the name of. My favorite as a kid was Terry Toons. The old black and white cartoons. They did a lot of edgy work on remaking classic nursery rhymes. The Old King Cole one still resonates and they did those songs where you follow the bouncing ball to sing along. You just know the guys drawing those cartoons were taking drugs...

My all time favorite to this day is Rocky and Bullwinkle. That cartoon was not for kids only.

Posted by: Libby on June 15, 2006 12:30 PM

Geez Louise, I was thinkin' Elmer Fudd just a few minutes ago. You psychotic or sumptin'? Cuz you done read my mind!!

Posted by: LL on June 15, 2006 12:32 PM

Surprisingly, there ARE decently twisted cartoons left in this day and age. "The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy" on cartoon network comes to mind.

Not Warner Bros. good, but pretty twisted nonetheless.

Posted by: Graumagus on June 15, 2006 01:05 PM

I'm surprised you left out Speedy Gonzolaz!

Posted by: MJH on June 15, 2006 01:08 PM

Yeah, I shoulda mentioned Speedy Gonzales as a symbol of illegal immigration. And I should have mentioned Pepe Le Pew, too.

I think he had a lot to do with sexual harassment laws.

Posted by: Acidman on June 15, 2006 01:23 PM

heh indeed, indeed

for twisted bordering on dadaistic, Cartoon Network's Adult Swim can't be beat.
Venture Brothers is the best. along with Home Movies. is the url
the fix is the link/tab to hit.
streaming episodes to sample.

But Yosemite Sam is a tie with Foghorn.

Take it, Sam!

Posted by: richard on June 15, 2006 07:30 PM

Ren (&Stimpy) rule!

Posted by: Cappy on June 15, 2006 08:00 PM

Ahh, Pepe! That brings back fond memories. He's got one of the best lines in Toondom- "Every man must 'ave a 'obbie. Mahn eez makin luuv!"

Posted by: G on June 15, 2006 09:21 PM

While my favorite cartoon has always been Space Ghost, I do like my adult swim. (Go meatwad!)

But what about Marvin? He's the man!


Posted by: Steph on June 16, 2006 01:19 AM
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