Gut Rumbles

June 11, 2006

He's good

Posts like this one are why I read Steve every day. Or almost every day. Sometimes, I just sit on my dead ass and vegetate in front of the computer, and I don't read ANYBODY. But if I DO READ, I check him early on, before I fall asleep in my chair.

I've been "checked" by the Coast Guard, the DOI (That's the Department of the Interior, I think. No, wait a minute--- it's the DNR-- Department of Natural Resources. They have boats, they wear uniforms and they specialize in anal probes.) and Game Wardens MANY times in the past, and without fail, those are some of the most obnoxious pricks you'll ever deal with in your got-dam life.

That's another reason why I'm glad I didn't sail to Belize with Recondo 32 and Georgia this summer. If Jawja and South Carolina cops-in-a-boat are so totally disgusting, I can only imagine what Mexicans or Bahamanians are like. Bejus! My skin crawls at the thought.

If you've never been to a place where merdida is the basic law of the land, you ain't gonna like seeing it for the first time. You've gotta pay one guy, so that he can pay another guy, who kicks back a portion of that money to some overlord, who can get you laid or thrown in a filthy-assed jail, depending on his whim.

Hell, I've paid "the bite" in Costa Rica, just to make my life a lot easier. That's how things work in those countries. And if you ever get tangled up crossways down THERE, you'd grab the legs of a Jawja game warden and gratefully kiss his ass, rather than deal with what you've got facing you THERE.

So... when I go fishing offshore, I make damn sure we've got everything on that boat that we're supposed to have. I've been nit-searched too many times to fuck that up. And if I'm fishing with YOU and you get a wild hair, wanting to keep a red snapper or a grouper that's undersized, I'll jump overboard and SWIM HOME before I'll ride back to the dock with YOU.

I've seen the game wardens lyin' in wait too many times to fall for that trick. Plus, they'll take your boat, all of your fishing gear and even your got-dam TRUCK before they lock your ass in jail. They'll fine the beejeus outta you, too, and keep your illegal fish for themselves. And THAT'S in the good ole US of A. Think about what MEXICAN cops might do to you.

It ain't worth the risk. Do it right, or don't do it at all.

I may not agree with all the rules (I never understood the wisdom in tossing a red snapper back in the water, after I hauled him up from 110 feet so that his eyes popped out and his intestines were comin' outta his mouth, just because he was 1" too short. That ain't no way to "save" a fish in MY way of thinking.), but I abide by them. Mostly, anyhow.

In my drinkin' days, I sunk many a beer can in the water because tossing an empty on the boat may have cost us a BWI (boating while intoxicated). I turned into a POLLUTER, because I was worried about the boat-cops getting me.

If you think they're not assholes, just ask my ex-sister-in-law who received a $45 ticket for tanning on a float in Clark Hill Lake when she wasn't wearing a floatation device. The float was on a line attached to a boat and even though the boat was anchored at the time, the law is the law, and she violated it.

The South Carolina judge upped her fine to $75 when she went to court and dared to bitch about the ticket. I'm just tellin' you people--- DO NOT fuck with cops in a boat. You'll be sorry you did.

I would take a boat ride with Steve. I think we're on the same page.


Yeah, here on the coast of MS, it's the same thing -- people hate the "boat cops." They're assholes and they look for anything -- the smallest detail. You spit wrong and one of them catches you, they'll cavity search you from your ass to the backs of your eyeballs.

Posted by: Adam Lawson on June 11, 2006 04:27 AM

Yep. I throw back the shorts and most of the time when you are pulling grouper out of a 100+ foot of water a shark or a cuda will have them before they get back to cover--if they don't get it on the way up.

Posted by: GUYK on June 11, 2006 08:55 AM

Around the Southeast Texas part of the South we call 'em "possum sheriffs". They don't much care for the name. We don't much care for them.

Posted by: Old Newt on June 11, 2006 02:09 PM

I think 'possum cops' is a pretty univeral name for the game wardens. One ticket for fishing without a license, from the bank with his two kids for Blue Gill, cost one of our guys (firefighter) $145 this week. Take the kids and spend time with them but don't you dare touch one of them poles. Pitiful way to make a living.

Posted by: Scrapiron on June 11, 2006 06:32 PM

That reminds me of a joke.......

A woman is leasurely floating in a small fishing boat, sunbathing and reading a book.

A US Fish and wildlife officer pulls up to her and informs her he is placing her under arrest for suspicion of fishing in a non-fishing zone.

The woman protests and tells the officer that she is NOT fishing, only enjoying her book and the sun.

The officer responds that he is arresting her anyway since she has all the equipment aboard used for fishing.

The womans says "fine and I'm accusing you of rape."

The officer protests. "I have done no such thing"....the woman replies...."yes, but you have all the equipment."

Posted by: Dawn on June 12, 2006 11:11 PM
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