Gut Rumbles

May 28, 2006

fighting gaia

I've never hit a woman in my life, but if I could get my hands on Mother Nature, I would wring her neck--- the merciless bitch. She has enough cruelty in one of her calloused little fingers to make both of my ex-wife look like saints, and THEY BOTH were bloodless... never mind...

I was mobile enough to drive to the grocery store yesterday, so I decided to water my garden while I was on such a roll. Gaia is doing her level best to kill everything I planted by blasting it with hellish heat and depriving it of water, but I'm not hopeless yet. I spread some fertilizer, I adjusted the range on my sprinkler to achieve maximum effect and I turned the water on.

I let it run for 16 straight hours. To hell with my water bill. I'm waging a got-dam WAR against Gaia, and sometimes you have to be willing to pay the price if you want to win a war. (Victory ain't supposed to be cheap, which is a harsh truth that leftoids will NEVER understand. THEY expect EVERYTHING to be "free.")

I turned the water off this morning and checked my garden.

IT'S A MIRACLE!!! All those droopy, wilting plants that appeared to be at death's door yesterday are perky and green today. Hell, I even picked a couple of bell peppers and three squash that I missed seeing when I was out there with Catfish the other day. (Those fruits of my labor probably were hiding under a layer of DUST before I laid on with the sprinkler.)

The corn still needs some attention, but I'm beginning to believe that all is not lost. If I keep watering like I just did, say... every couple of days for a while... I might actually make a go of that garden. If I DO, it'll be in spite of everything Gaia has done to wipe me out.

Of course, I'll end up harvesting some of the most expensive price-per-pound vegetables ever grown, but that's not the point. I'm winning the WAR, which is what really matters.

If I could get my got-dam camera to function properly, I would take some pictures today. It's pretty impressive to see what a little water will do for plants when they're thirsty.

Heh. If Gaia really IS my Earth-Mother, just call me Oedipus.

(By the way--- following that link to Cat's blog will give to a good Low Country Boil recipe.)


Yeah I read about that low country boil a bit ago and it makes me want to take a trip to SE Georgia.

Posted by: GUYK on May 28, 2006 06:56 PM

Make her bow before your manliness!! That's what put us humans at the top of the food chain, we can tame our environment. Make Gaia weep!!!

Posted by: LL on May 28, 2006 08:47 PM

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA eat your heart out acidman! I got rain..a nice slow ground soaking rain. Now I will have to cut the grass within a couple of days because the heat is still here.

Posted by: GUYK on May 29, 2006 01:01 AM

Gardening is not the way to save money on produce but it's so satisfying to eat food you grew yourself isn't it? I wish I had some fresh squash. It might inspire me to actually cook something on the stove for the first time in two years.

Posted by: Libby on May 29, 2006 09:15 AM

I like telling liberals I like to go outside and pee in Gaia's face.

Posted by: Steve H. on May 29, 2006 10:48 AM

I live in the high desert.
I have 900 square feet of grass.
My wife wanted it to remind her of our past "in the east".
Now it's just a reminder of "her past". Or, "our past". Or, "just past".

But, damn, all you need in a high desert to make life flourish is simple.
1. Water. 30 minutes a day. Water is "free", except for pumping electricity.
2. Fertilizer. Without that, forget it.

Now I have to mow that shit twice a week.
But, my dog loves to roll on the new-mown stuff.
That makes it worth it to keep her happy.
As for my wife, well, she's not here. So, Fxxx her.
I hope she's happy. I am.

Posted by: Dan Pursel on May 29, 2006 12:52 PM

EARTH FIRST!!! Then make Mars our bitch...

Knowing what a P.I.T.A. keeping weeds outta the garden can be, I went for the container route. Start-up costs out the ass, close to $150 for pots, plants, food, etc, but I've only had to pull about a dozen weeds lass than an inch tall. (from clippings that get tossed into the pots when I mow)

But after re-potting and regular watering and feedings, along with pruning spotted and bug eaten leaves and non-fruiting greenery so the plant only has to feed useful limbs, all the plants that I thought I would lose have started producing like crazy.

The pots sit around the perimeter of my back porch so there isn't much bending involved in care, which is another plus. And I'll be able to re-use most of the stuff 3-4 years if I'm lucky. I give my brother a ration of grief every time he calls and bitches about having to get the tiller out and beat the weeds in his patch into submission, I just say "I had to pull THREE inch long sprouts outta my garden..." and for some reason he gets all "Screw you hippie" on me... I wonder why??

Posted by: MoMinuteMan on May 29, 2006 09:57 PM

It's damned difficult to kill a plant by not watering it. My parents started a greenhouse business when I was 2. I got my first real paycheck when I was 8 (I think) and i quit working there at the age of 20.

Do to the math. I've been around plants a-plenty.

We've had customers bring back "dead" plants that were frustrated with only to have them given a good watering and they were nice and perky by the time the customer left the place.

Of course you get the assholes that bring their damned near dead plants in soaking with water too. It's obvious, because when you let potting soil get really dry it won't take up water. What they do is soak the plant before the come in and demand their money back. "See? I watered it!" Gimmie a break.

Anyway... container based gardens aren't a bad idea. There's a reason that greenhouses don't plant things in regular old top soil: Potting soil holds moisture better. Hell, a good place can tailor make the soil for the specific plant that will be planted in it. I know we did that. For some you dial down the amount of peet that goes into the mix and dial-up the sand. The limestone content might be adjusted from one variety to the next.

There's a "science" behind making dirt, believe it or not.

Posted by: Justin Buist on May 30, 2006 12:47 AM

My lady friend and I have a small yard, only plant a few tomatoes cucumbers and squash. They were doin GREAT till two days ago got hit with a frost!

But ya sure can't beat the flavor of your own vine rippened tomatoes!

Posted by: TC on May 30, 2006 11:39 AM
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