Gut Rumbles

May 24, 2006

object lesson

I've done a lot of training in my life. In fact, I once was a CERTIFIED INDUSTRIAL TRAINER, and I received a certificate for that lofty title, which I hung in a frame on my office wall for everyone who entered my inner sanctum to worship properly.

Wanna know how I "earned" that gold-embossed thing? I answered a questionaire, sent my answers off in the mail (with a $200 check that my company paid for), and LO!!! BEHOLD!!! I became CERTIFIED!!!!

The most important question I answered in that bullshit "test," was... ARE YOU GONNA SEND US $200 DOLLARS????

I was a good trainer. That fucking certificate didn't make me any different than what I was before I got it. My bosses LOVED it, but other people who WEREN'T good trainers received the same thing when THEY couldn't teach somebody how to open a jar of peanut butter. They just paid $200 and got a piece of paper to show for it.

NEVER trust an "expert." Those assholes fall out of Crackerjack boxes today, if they haven't found a nice job in government first.


I could have had three or four of those ph's, just didn't have those big bucks to send off in the mail.

Posted by: Catfish on May 24, 2006 11:09 PM

Break the word into its component parts. Expert. X is an unknown quantity and spurt is a drip under pressure.

Posted by: largekin on May 25, 2006 06:52 AM

I have had so many teachers in my life that it would take me a significant amount of time to think of them all: 6 in grammar school, at least 12 in junior high, at least 24 in high school, God knows how many in college, and then all the people who I've interacted with in diving, martial arts, swim/bike/run, and even work.

I had a college professor I'd nominate for The Smartest Man in the World; he was so smart, he couldn't believe how dumb we were, and would spend half of every lecture complaining about how non-rigorous the curriculum had become, and how we needed to learn basic research skills so that we could start answering our own questions. For a while, I thought it was just me, but then I found, and wouldn't you know it, people were leaving the exact same comments about the guy ten years later. (My favorite: "adjusts his pants just a little too often.")

On the flip side, a high school dropout who was working as a shipping clerk taught me more about pressure points and joint locks than I ever would have guessed existed, and he had an innate simplicity to his manner that belied how smart he really was.

Posted by: disconnect on May 25, 2006 09:07 AM

I couldn't agree with your post more! Like you, many teachers... some were very good - inspiring, thought provoking. The good ones taught me complex analysis of their subjects and, I feel, encouraged me to pursue continued study outside of school. But, I must say, the good teacher is hard to come by in our public schools system... Many teachers are just filling shelf space, accepting paychecks for minimal motivation and ambition.

The best teacher, I ever had, wasn't a teacher at all, he was just an older high school kid from our neighborhood who loved to work on old cars and tinker with electronics. I met him when I was about 9 years old. He could fix any car that he put his hands on. He was changing a carberator in a 1972 Olds 442 the first time we talked( He did it free of charge for any one of our neighbors who'd let him work on their car.) Incredibly book smart and worldly he was for just 17 years of age. Only knew him for about a year or so. I learned more from him about our world, our culture, mathematics(algebra and trig.) and CARS in our brief friendship than I ever learned from any college professor at the University of Maryland. I never got to thank him. He and his mom moved away unexpectedly and I was poorer for it.

Posted by: andy on May 25, 2006 12:44 PM

I liked the definition they told us at IBM school. An expert was a guy from out of town.

Posted by: dick on May 25, 2006 08:13 PM

An expert is a man who knows 100 positions and no women.

Posted by: Cop 1 on May 26, 2006 04:59 PM

Those assholes fall out of Crackerjack boxes today,They still have Crackerjack today?
Man, am I ever out of the loop....

Posted by: Horrabin on May 27, 2006 02:47 AM
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